RedEye reporter extraordinaire Tracy Swartz fills in for Leo. The Fives need that feminine touch,but don’t worry — Leo will be back. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Tracy Swartz
Adam Caldarelli
Bag Dog
TOPIC 1: NINE STRIKEOUTS AND A WIN. DID THE DUGOUT SLUGOUT ACTUALLY HELP CARLOS ZAMBRANO?
What really helped was repeating over and over, “Michael Barrett loves me.”
Everyone needs a shot in the arm once in a while. But only Zambrano would take that literally.
Yes, so now I’m shaking my fist.
Barrett should volunteer his face to the rest of the staff.
Ironically, he and Barrett had their heart-to-heart over a glass of punch.
TOPIC 2: TENNIS STAR MARK PHILIPPOUSSIS IS THE ‘AGE OF LOVE’ BACHELOR. FIND A REASON TO WATCH.
If my fairy godmother appears and turns me into a complete tool.
Four words: John McEnroe, relationship counselor.
I’d be his kitten. But I’d be more interested if Nadal was the star of the show.
Only if Jimmy and Phil arebachelorettes.
Maria Sharapova and Anna Kournikova play for his affections, but with pillows and lingerie.
TOPIC 3: HOW ARE YOU PREPARING FOR THE NBA FINALS?
By continuing my longstanding policy of not giving a damn.
I’m renaming all of my appliances and bathroom fixtures, right down to the LeToilet.
Forget the NBA. Billy D. made the right decision (for now).
Dusting off the No. 14 Ira Newble Wine and Gold.
I’m perfecting speed sleeping for when San Antonio has the ball.
TOPIC 4: HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’VE HAD LEBRON OVERLOAD?
I’ll start wishing for moreParis Hilton news.
When “LeBranon” joinsthe United Nations.
When his girlfriend givesbirth on court.
When I get the urge to jump into the arms of a 7-foot Lithuanian.
Wait, wait … now.
TOPIC 5: DO YOU HAVE ANY EVIDENCE AGAINST MICHAEL VICK?
Phil took a trip to Georgia and came back with his front paw missing.
I think the hair weave he sold Tracy is 100 percent German shepherd.
Nothing that I haven’t already forwarded on to the cops.
For the dog fighting orthe herpes? No and no.
No time to answer! I just won a free trip to Virginia from some guy named Ron Mexico!
