Did you hear the one about the Death Row inmate who wanted to tell a joke at his execution? It’s not funny.
Patrick Knight, Texas inmate No. 999072, is scheduled to die June 26 for killing his neighbors, Walter and Mary Werner, in 1991. He broke into their home, locked them in the basement while he went joy-riding in their car, then drove them to a field outside Amarillo and shot them in the head.
Having exhausted his appeals, Knight is looking ahead to his Big Day and the moment when the warden asks if he has any last words before the state of Texas puts him down. What better occasion for a little levity? So he got a friend to set up a MySpace page titled “Dead Man Laughing” and put out a call for jokes. The best one — as determined by his fellow Death Row inmates — will be read during his final statement.
Knight says he was inspired by another condemned murderer who quipped, as he was strapped to the gurney, “Where’s a stunt double when you need one?” Ha, ha, you’re killing me.
Dozens of entries — mostly lame lawyer jokes — have been posted on Knight’s MySpace page. Come on, people, you can do better than that. A quick Internet search turns up all sorts of Death Row material. Why do they sterilize the needle before an execution? Get it? Then there’s the one about the brunet, the redhead and the blond on Death Row. Or the German, the Italian and the Redneck. Or the chemist, the biologist and the electrical engineer. There’s even one about a condemned Unitarian Universalist. Go ahead, Google them. You’ll die laughing.
But Knight says he doesn’t want jokes about prison or death. They just depress him. He knows he’s guilty and he accepts his punishment. He doesn’t want to whine and moan. He’s just trying to keep things light while the clock ticks down. “I’m not trying to disrespect the Werners or anything like that,” he said.
If that’s the case, then keep the jokes to yourself, No. 999072. An execution isn’t the time to leave ’em laughing. Just make like the chicken that crossed the road and get to the other side.
