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Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Whizzer
TOPIC 1: WHO OR WHAT IS RAFAEL NADAL?
Brian’s original name, pre-witness protection program.
A new cologne from the House of Lagerfeld: “Nadal … unleash your manly essence on the world.”
The red Ninja Turtle.
The newest nobody in tennis.
You think he won the French Open. He’s really the work of claymation artists.
TOPIC 2: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE HAS YOUR NUMBER?
Scream out, “Mom! Mom! It’s not right!” hope they give it back.
If you’re Paris Hilton, you shout it to a guard. “Inmate No. 9818783, sir!”
If it’s Phil? De-list that number immediately.
Let them keep it and try to get visitation rights.
If I have your number, try begging. Start by getting on all fours …
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S YOUR ADVICE TO LEBRON JAMES?
Don’t name your child Ozmel.
If this doesn’t work out, you have to get back on the horse; start dating other teams.
It’s not too late to demand a trade to the Spurs mid-series.
If you really want to be the next Jordan, come play for the Bulls.
Double up on headbands. You know what they say: Two headbands are better than one.
TOPIC 4: WHY IS THE NHL CONSIDERING EXPANDING TO LAS VEGAS AND KANSAS CITY?
They want to not be on TV in even more markets.
Based on the cities, if the NHL folks don’t take a gamble, they’re barbecued.
To create scintillating rivalries with the likes of Anaheim and Columbus.
Hundreds of thousands of people in those cities need an NHL team of their own to ignore.
Marketing says they’re the most desperate places on the planet. I say NHL headquarters.
TOPIC 5: WOULD YOU GIVE UP MONEY TO HELP THE FIVE ON FIVE SALARY CAP?
Absolutely. Anything to get me a better supporting cast.
We already take up a collection for Leo’s funny bone transplant, what more does he want?
The only thing Leo has to say to that is CTC — cut the check.
Only if Jimmy gives up bourbon and hookers.
I do this for the love because — let’s be real — you can’t afford me.
