Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in on Wednesdays. Soxman pops in for surprise inspections whenever he feels like it. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Mike North
SOX FAN
TOPIC 1: WHAT WOULD CONVINCE YOU THAT TOMMIE HARRIS IS 100 PERCENT HEALTHY?
His hamstring held a news conference and said so.
If he can keep up with the rest of the herd — I mean defensive line — when cheetahs attack.
I’d like proof that his hamstring hasn’t gone clubbing with Lindsay Lohan’s mom.
Nothing. He isn’t, not yet. But when the first game starts for real … he will be.
Put him on the Madden cover, then put him in the Sox starting lineup.If he survives, I’m convinced.
TOPIC 2: WHAT’S THE REAL REASON PACMAN JONES DROPPED HIS APPEAL?
Mrs. Pacman made him.
Being stripped of his dignity wasn’t as fun as it originally sounded.
Would you come rushing back to the Titans?
Uh … he’s as guilty as hell
He learned from Paris Hilton’s outstanding example of taking the high road.
TOPIC 3: IF I WERE A MEMBER OF THE WHITE SOX, I WOULD …
… be hitting .208.
… make Soxman carry me around on his shoulders until the Sox reach .500.
… prepare for Ken Williams approaching me with an exciting new travel offer.
… start drinking again.
… kidnap Aaron Rowand as we leave Philly and hide the white flags from Kenny Williams!
TOPIC 4: THE CUBS PLAYED SEATTLE. THE SKY PLAYED SEATTLE. WHAT’S THE CONNECTION?
The Cubs are playing baseball like women.
The only team that’s missing is Northwestern, ’cause see, Seattle’s in the northwest … never mind.
Um, they both played Seattle. Someone award Question Guy a PhD.
They both played a team from Seattle — duh!!
The WNBA is a league of women, and Zambrano and Barrett fight like girls.
TOPIC 5: HOW WAS THE NBA FINALS DIFFERENT BY BEING IN CLEVELAND FOR THE FIRST TIME?
Sad and fruitless with lots of crying. Much like Leo’s first time.
Cleveland fans were already familiar with the choke sign, thanks to Ozzie Guillen.
The Spurs returned to the parking lot to find the team bus on cinder blocks.
Because they are in Cleveland for the first time. Who was in charge of questions 4 and 5?
Even a blowout is a better ending than the series finale of “The Sopranos.”
