The following tips about pretending to be the person you want to be are adapted from “Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person Without Actually Improving Yourself.”
PRETEND YOU WENT TO A GREAT UNIVERSITY
If you went to a small school no one ever heard of, just name the state when someone asks, as in “North Carolina.” They might think you went to, well, North Carolina.
PRETEND YOU’RE A GOOD HOST
Fill top-shelf liquor bottles with off brands when you finish them.
PRETEND YOU’RE WELL READ
Leave impressive magazines sitting around your apartment like The New Yorker, The Atlantic Monthly and The Economist.
PRETEND YOU’RE A GOURMET COOK, NOT LIVING OFF HAMBURGER HELPER
Constantly refer to complicated things you cook for yourself, such as Baked Alaska. Say, “If there was a fire in my house, the first thing I would save would be my balloon whisk. The second would be my saffron. The third … I don’t know, old family photos, I suppose.”
PRETEND YOU’RE GOOD SON- OR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW MATERIAL.
When meeting the parents, don’t voice any opinions. If they try directly to engage you, chuckle and say, “Well, that’s a pretty complex issue. Now, who wants a brownie?”
PRETEND TO BE CULTURED
Reading a book can take weeks, but dog-earing every 40 pages takes minutes. You do the math!
GIVE UP WHEN . . .
There are five situations, the book warns, where you shouldn’t try to fake it:
* driving a stick shift
* installing electrical wiring
* trick shooting
* piloting a commercial airliner
* delivering a baby
