Adam Caldarelli of chicagosports.com joins the party. Just keep him away from the hard stuff. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Adam Caldarelli
Bag Boy
Topic 1: HOW DO YOU THINK PATTI LABELLE REACTED TO THOSE CURSING WHITE SOX?
She hit some high notes, raising her average above Konerko’s.
And I quote: “Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo, oooooooo … you need a new attitude.”
Forget that — she was busy declining their offer to bat cleanup.
She asked, “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” And silence ensued.
She yelled at them at 85 decibels, or 8.5 Ozzies.
Topic 2: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, MIKE DITKA’S OR DAVE DUERSON’S?
Ditka is fighting for the disabled. Duerson is not. Gee, tough call.
Neither, they’re both embarrassing themselves. Hug it out (you know the rest).
I’m neutral until the name-calling turns into something productive.
Settle it on the shuffleboard deck, old timers.
C’mon, they’re Bears. They can’t just say “I love you, man” — somebody has to lose a limb.
TOPIC 3: JOE CREDE iS PROBABLY DONE FOR THE YEAR. ARE THE SOX?
Of course. Just ask St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Mark Buehrle.
Yep. Some team could snag Jenks for a box of jelly doughnuts (Or WITH a box of jelly doughnuts).
I predict a rally. I also predicted a huge fantasy season for Frank Thomas.
The Sox are done for the next decade.
Were they ever in it?
TOPIC 4: EVEN IF YOU PAID ME $1 MILLION, I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE …
… in a movie theater watching “Ocean’s Thirteen.”
… Michael Barrett. You do know the word “catch” is in your job title, right?
… anywhere near Jimmy’s Barbie collection.
… pitching to Michael Barrett.
… me. Sigh.
TOPIC 5: WHAT DOES ‘WINNING UGLY’ MEAN?
It means Adam was crowned Miss America.
Sounds like the title of the Hall-of-Fame reel for Bill Walton and Sam Cassell.
It’s whenever the Pistons win. Seriously, take a look at those headshots.
That’s what Randy Johnson does every now and again.
It must mean that the Blackhawks have won the Stanley Cup!
