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TOPIC 1: NAME ONE OF THE CHICAGO FIRE’S PLAYERS.
SCOTT: I’m gonna go with Mrs. O’Leary’s Cow. She started it. Oh, you didn’t mean the sports team, did you?
PHIL: Sparky Anderson? No? Well, he should be.
TRAN: Mike Banner. At least, that’s what it says on the Fire Web site.
EVIL SUPER COMPUTER: There’s a turnstile at Toyota Park that I’ve been watching for a while. I don’t trust him!
BAG BOY: Jeff Curtin, Jim Curtin, take your pick. It’s always Curtins for Chicago.
TOPIC 2: WHO WILL BE THE FIRST BIG-NAME PLAYER THE WHITE SOX WILL TRADE SOON?
SCOTT: Jermaine Dye. Something’s just telling me he’s New York bound.
PHIL: Anthony John Pierzynski. He’s worth at least a triple-word score.
TRAN: Mark Buehrle. I can never spell his last name.
EVIL SUPER COMPUTER: Soxman! You’re finished in this town, “hero!” HAHAHAHAHA!
BAG BOY: The answer is D. All of the above.
TOPIC 3: THE LIKELIHOOD THAT THE CUBS WIN THE NL CENTRAL IS EQUAL TO THE LIKELIHOOD THAT …
SCOTT: … it’s snowing if you look out your window right now.
PHIL: … “The Sopranos” ending was all a dream by Pam Ewing. A horrible, horrible dream.
TRAN: … Lindsay Lohan will join a convent.
EVIL SUPER COMPUTER: … Bush will try to run for a third term. … Hmm, actually …
BAG BOY: … that Jessica Alba was hired for her acting ability.
TOPIC 4: F1 RACES AT INDY THIS WEEKEND COMING OFF AN HISTORIC ACHIEVEMENT. WHAT WAS IT?
SCOTT: No clue. If I had to guess, I’d say Lewis Hamilton winning on his first visit to Montreal.
PHIL: For the first time, man combined anti-matter with doesn’t-matter.
TRAN: A tornado.
EVIL SUPER COMPUTER: THE RISE OF THE CYLON EMPIRE! Oh wait, that’s tomorrow.
BAG BOY: I’m sorry did we switch to a different language?
TOPIC 5: IF YOU HAD A TIME MACHINE, WHAT FUTURE OR PAST SPORTS EVENT WOULD YOU VISIT?
SCOTT: I’d go to October 2007, when the Pirates win the World Series.
PHIL: I’d go to the last Redskins Super Bowl–so long ago Bobby Brown had never been arrested.
TRAN: The Rumble in the Jungle. 1974. Ali vs. Foreman.
EVIL SUPER COMPUTER: 2017, when I make every playoff game …. SUDDEN DEATH!
BAG BOY: I’d go back a day before that goof Kleinberg says something asinine about the Pirates.
