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Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: WHO WILL BE THE NEXT CUB TO GET INTO A FIGHT?
Pat Hughes will finally lose it and punch Ron Santo in the mouth.
The Cub: Alfonso Soriano. The opponent: Alfonso Ribeiro.
It’s only a matter of time before another red-haired Elvis impersonator calls out Matt Murton.
Felix Pie after his name is mispronounced for the 4,729th time.
Hmmm, let me see, maybe “The Riot,” Ryan Theriot? Ya think?
TOPIC 2: ALFONSO SORIANO MOONWALKED AFTER A HOME RUN. WHAT MOVE WOULD YOU DO?
The Cuba Gooding Oscar Acceptance Move. Then at first base …
If we’re talking Michael Jackson moves, I’d do the “Smooth Criminal” lean then escape to Bahrain.
The worm. All the way around the basepaths.
I’d put on my clothes and brush my teeth … after I woke up.
I’d pop, lock and drop it. And I have no idea what that means.
TOPIC 3: WHY DOES KOBE BRYANT KEEP CHANGING HIS MIND?
Hey, it’s a woman’s prerogative.
For the same reason you have to change diapers constantly.
His ego found it had more room when it split into multiple factions.
Isn’t that what women are supposed to do? Just asking.
When you’re trying to please Me, Myself and I, it’s easy to get confused.
TOPIC 4: IF YOU SAW KOBE VISITING CHICAGO, WHAT WOULD YOU THINK?
There goes a man who will never win another NBA title.
His Bulls teammates would be honored to have him put the blame on them.
I’d think, “If only it were the playoffs — he’d disappear.”
He’s gonna have to buy his wife another $4 million ring when he gets home.
Somebody’s slipping at the Chicago Police Department.
TOPIC 5: EVERY TIME BARRY BONDS HITS A HOME RUN …
… an angel loses his wings.
… his confidence gets a boost. A blood booster, but still a boost.
… see No. 4.
… I puke a little in my mouth.
… “Star Wars” Emperor Palpatine hisses in delight.
