RedEye reporter Tracy Swartz fills in for Leo. Great! Chicagosports.com’s Rahula Strohl finally has someone to share hair and makeup tips with. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Tracy Swartz
Rahula Strohl
EvilSuperComputer
TOPIC 1: SHOULD REX GROSSMAN BE OFFENDED BY TOMMIE HARRIS’ COMMENTS?
Only if he’s offended by the truth.
You would think Rex would have intercepted the message before it went public.
No, Bears fans should be offended by Rex.
No, I’m sure he’d love to have Donovan as a teammate too.
Sure, but what can he do?SIT, REX, SIT!
TOPIC 2: PACMAN JONES IS TO STRIP CLUB SHOOTINGS AS …
… the White Sox are to bullpen blowups.
… Sharon Stone is to train wrecks on film.
… Pee-wee Herman is to theater “shootings.”
… Phil is to grabbing the last doughnut. EVERY TIME, Phil!
… aluminum foil is to microwaves.
TOPIC 3: WHO IS NOT READY FOR THE NBA?
The Memphis Grizzlies.
Las Vegas.
Billy Donovan, thank God.
Jimmy and his whopping, 1-inch vertical.
Judging by the Finals ratings, viewers at home.
TOPIC 4: HANK AARON GOT A JET NAMED AFTER HIM. WHAT WILL BARRY BONDS GET?
756 middle fingers.
A hot-air balloon that Barry will power himself.
A shout-out on My Chemical Romance’s next album.
The paper airplane I was gonna throw at Tracy.
The Hindenburg.
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S THE PROPER ETIQUETTE FOR FIRING A MANAGER?
Fork goes on the left, knife goes in the back.
After you kick dirt on his shoes, never use that same dirt to bury him.
Definitely not a breakup text message.
Make sure the door doesn’t hit him on the way out.
Be gracious and let him choose between the trap door and the ejector seat.
