Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in on Wednesdays. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive. And don’t forget Stick Figure at redeyechicago.com/gofigure.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Mike North
STICK FIGURE
TOPIC 1: WHAT CAN YOU DO TO MAKE THE SPORTS WORLD BETTER?
Plant a tree every time Michael Barrett punches someone.
I’m going to put bars around Pacman Jones’ house and the Bengals headquarters.
I can renounce the Washington Redskins, presented by Dick Clark.
I don’t know, but I bet some of my listeners do.
Sports World, is that an amusement park?! I smell ponies!
TOPIC 2: AS AN ATHLETE, WHY DO YOU NEED AN ENTOURAGE?
One person to carry your gun, one person to carry your bail money.
Ego stroking is like pitching, you need to put your kiss-ups in a rotation.
Because starting shootouts all on your own can be so draining.
Who’s going to cover you during the shootout?
As an entourage, why do you need an athlete? Makes you wonder, huh?
TOPIC 3: WHAT SHOULD SAMMY SOSA DO WITH HIS 600TH HOME-RUN BALL?
Put it in his house right next to his favorite Milli Vanilli album.
I’m going to steal it from him, hook it up to electrodes and Bartmanize it.
Shred it up to fill his next bat.
Throw it in a big bundle of hay — it would be like finding a needle in a haystack.
Why would he keep 600 balls around? Where’s he going to sleep?
TOPIC 4: WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU A FAN OF THE SKY?
You know, they’re a Chicago team and I’m a fan. But I’m still not going.
Put me in the Skybox, where, as a horrible pun writer, I can better work on my craft.
If they moved to Evanston, wore purple and white and played in the Big Ten, I’d be on board.
A championship — Go Sky! I’m desperate.
I love the sky in the morning! Don’t know where it goes at night. Probably bar-hopping.
TOPIC 5: WHAT IS THE GOLD CUP?
An award given to the hockey player who takes the most pucks to the groin.
The Gold Cup is what A-Rod can afford to wear as athletic protection.
Phil keeps talking about looking for it in World of Warcraft. He tends not to notice my earplugs.
It’s when Michigan plays Mexico in soccer.
A yellow sippy cup I use to drink pudding! YAAY! (cough, hack, cough) YAAAAY!
