A ringtone does far more than alert a cell-phone owner to the dull fact that someone’s calling. Those notes send a loud and clear signal to everyone around you about who you are — or at least who you want people to think you are.
A look at the nation’s most popular ringtones shows that the overwhelming majority fall into rigidly focused categories that, taken together, convey a stunningly narrow message. It goes something like …
“I’m a super hot sex machine who likes to party hardy, so watch out, mother …”
Looking over Billboard’s list of top ringtones week after week drives the point home with numbing regularity.
“Americans have to be the most egocentric people in the world,” says the rapper MIMS, whose “This Is Why I’m Hot” is the No. 1 title of the year, with sales of over 1 million.
What your ringtone says
While the overarching message conveyed by ringtones is that of a healthy ego, the specific identities implied by them can be broken down into six focused categories:
“I’m sexy!”
“My Humps,” Black Eyed Peas: A strutting ode to one’s own body parts. 90 weeks on the chart and counting.
“I like to get high”
“Because I Got High,” Afroman: The title says it all. 108 weeks on the chart, and still in the top 5.
“I’m horny!”
“Buy You a Drank,” T-Pain: The lyric is all about getting someone drunk enough so that you can have your way with them. The second most popular ringy-dingy of the year. It recently spent seven weeks at No. 1.
“I’m stuck in the past and proud of it”
“SWEET HOME ALABAMA.” LYNYRD SKYNYRD:
Southern rock’s proudest hour. the third
most popular ringtone of all time.
135 weeks on the chart. and still in the top 10
“I’m a rock star”
ROCK STAR. NICKELBACK: Neo-grunge’s
ironic salute to the classic rich, spoiled
and out of control character. After 33 weeks on the chart, it holds in the top 10
“I’m bad and/or cool”
THEME FROM MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE. LALO
SCHIFRIN: A vintage TV take on hip that later bred the cool movie
franchise with tom cruise. the seventh most popular tone of all time, having spent 124 weeks on the chart so far.
[ ap file photo ]
