Tank Johnson, you’re always welcome to join Five on Five. If we had any standards, Rahula wouldn’t be here. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
Bag Dog
TOPIC 1: HOW WILL OZZIE GUILLEN KNOW IF HE’S ON THE HOT SEAT?
The Sox will be 29-42, swept by the Cubs and selling off their players.
It melts when it makes contact with him.
When he smells the lighter fluid on Ken Williams’ hands.
Singed underwear.
He resorts to ASKING umpires to eject him. Yeah, clearly the fight’s out of him.
TOPIC 2: YOU’RE SOX GM KEN WILLIAMS’ BEST FRIEND. WHAT DO YOU TELL HIM?
“Let’s go. I’m buying.”
“Are you about to trade me?”
“So … do you think it’s too late to apologize to Magglio?”
“You still have one more World Series title than Jim Hendry.”
“Don’t get too full of yourself, I’m every man’s best friend.”
TOPIC 3: JON KITNA PREDICTS MORE THAN 10 WINS FOR THE LIONS. WHAT DO YOU PREDICT?
Less than a 10 IQ for Jon Kitna.
That the foot he puts in his mouth will be more than size 10.
I predict Kitna will be slinging for the Rhein Fire by December.
The same — over the next 10 years.
The Lions will be irrelevant in less than 10 games. Name THAT tune, pal!
TOPIC 4: DID THE BEARS MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION BY GETTING RID OF TANK JOHNSON?
No way. I think he definitely deserved a seventh chance.
It depends on whether you see the Tank as half empty or half fool.
If we’re all comfortable with potentially cutting a guy over a speeding ticket, then yes.
Dude, you make an NFL salary. Call a flippin’ cab. Or a limo.
I’ve already forgotten who that is.
TOPIC 5: WHAT IS TANK’S NEXT STEP?
Go house-hunting in Oakland immediately.
12-Step.
He hosts the new MTV2 series “Clubbin’ With Tank.”
Adding cab and limo companies’ phone numbers
to his cell phone.
Go to Halas Hall and clear out his arms locker.
