Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in Wednesdays.Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive. And don’t forget Stick Figure at redeyechicago.com/gofigure.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Mike North
Stick Figure
TOPIC 1: ARE THE CUBS CHARMED?
Sure, and Phil’s sleeping with Alyssa Milano.
More like their accursedness has finally leeched onto other teams.
Is this what we’re calling the “curse” now? They’re as charmed as Dick Cheney is charming.
You must be kidding me.
I had a charm bracelet, but I swallowed it. Now I’m charming inside and out!
TOPIC 2: WHY DID A FAN RUN ONTO WRIGLEY FIELD?
He thought it was a bathroom after seeing the Cubs’ lead go in the toilet.
When it comes to dimwitted Chicago fans, that guy’s in a Ligue of his own.
Apparently he couldn’t find a Trixie with Bob Howry’s cell phone number.
Because maybe he lost $10,000?
Don’t ask why, ask Howry! Hee-hee!
TOPIC 3: WHO CAN TANK JOHNSON TURN TO FOR SUPPORT?
He’s now alone in a world devoid of hope or feeling. So Bill Wirtz.
Jimmy. Tank’s 300 pounds, so Jimmy is stocking up on bourbon and Snickers.
Kathy Hilton.
The Oakland Raiders.
You had me at “JELL-O.”
TOPIC 4: HOW DOES PARIS HILTON’S RELEASE AFFECT THE SPORTS WORLD?
She can finally resume her torrid love affair with Ryan Theriot.
The Trojans can finally reunite with their patron saint.
Matt Leinart has to add a list of 3,000 rumor denials to his playbook.
Other people will start getting released.
Love your figure, girlfriend.
TOPIC 5: HOW DO YOU GET INJURED AS A COMPETITIVE EATER?
After throwing up 42 hot dogs, your waiter attacks you.
All I can say is it has to do with the hot-dog-eating contest and a case of mistaken identity.
There are obvious blockage issues if you don’t stretch your — never mind.
Choking, for a start.
I always chew 52 times before swallowing. You can’t be too careful with pudding.
