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TOPIC 1: WHAT’S YOUR CHICAGO SPORTS NIGHTMARE?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Cubs win the World Series the day after I die.
Leo Ebersole: It’s the recurring one where I go online to find my fantasy team filled with Sox pitchers.
Phillip Thompson: I’m wearing only underwear at a Sox team meeting. I’m so mortified … I’m playing for the Sox!
Supriya Doshi: Bill Wirtz buys the Bears.
Bag Boy: Jennie Finch is chasing me–and she never catches me!
TOPIC 2: IS THIS A DREAM OR NIGHTMARE: PITCHER KERRY WOOD GETS HEALTHY AND RETURNS TO THE CUBS.
Jimmy Greenfield: It’s a dream come true. The Cubs really can use a good bat boy.
Leo Ebersole: Dream. How’s it going to hurt to have another pitcher up in the bullpen?
Phillip Thompson: A dream, as in you’re dreaming if you think Wood will be healthy.
Supriya Doshi: A nightmare when he gets injured yet again.
Bag Boy: I believe the correct terminology is “curse.”
TOPIC 3: COME UP WITH A TERM FOR THE SOX’S PLUMMET FROM WORLD SERIES CHAMPS TO AL CENTRAL CELLAR.
Jimmy Greenfield: Lohanesque
Leo Ebersole: Rowand Pains
Phillip Thompson: Ozzmosis
Supriya Doshi:Funny
Bag Boy: SouthSliderization.
TOPIC 4: THE BEARS ARE BACK AT TRAINING CAMP. WHAT EXACTLY DO THEY DO THERE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Throw the football around in between dog fights.
Leo Ebersole: Sweat out the quarterback situation. Oh wait, that’s everyone else.
Phillip Thompson: Tell scary stories like “The Paternity Test” and “Land of the Lost Signing Bonus.”
Supriya Doshi: Gossip about their summer vacations. And train, I hope.
Bag Boy: Give their video game thumbs a workout.
TOPIC 5: WHO IN CHICAGO SPORTS HAS WHAT IT TAKES TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Supriya. She’s the Hillary Clinton of Five on Five. Leo’s the Dennis Kucinich.
Leo Ebersole: Ditka. Let the healing begin.
Phillip Thompson: Ryan Theriot. He can read The Riot Act to Congress.
Supriya Doshi: Rex Grossman. No matter how badly he plays, they still leave him in charge.
Bag Boy: Lance Briggs. The Democrats already use his official symbol.
