Welcome to the weekend edition, Scott. Don’t mind Bag Boy’s ‘tude — he likes to size up the competition. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF KERRY WOOD, LIKE RICK ANKIEL, CAME BACK AS AN OUTFIELDER?
Scott Kleinberg: We’d have an outfielder on the disabled list pretty darn quick.
Leo Ebersole: “Angels in the Outfield,” but only because that was the name of the two nurses treating him.
Phil Thompson: Knowing Kerry Wood’s luck, he’d come in contact with some Wrigley Field poison ivy.
Tracy Swartz: Ha, ha. Wood.
Bag Boy: With his injury history, he would earn the nickname “Rick Ankle.”
TOPIC 2: WHO’S A BIGGER THREAT TO THE CUBS: THE FIRST-PLACE BREWERS OR THIRD-PLACE CARDINALS?
Scott Kleinberg: Since the Pirates aren’t one of my choices, I’d say the Brewers.
Leo Ebersole: The Brew Crew. See No. 3.
Phil Thompson: Letting the Cards come from behind is more embarrassing, ergo, that’s what will happen.
Tracy Swartz: The Brewers stink. They don’t call it Smellwaukee for nothing.
Bag Boy: The biggest threat to the Cubs? The Cubs.
TOPIC 3: THE MOVIE ‘SUPERBAD’ ISN’T ABOUT CHICAGO SPORTS, BUT IF IT WERE, WHO WOULD BE THE STAR?
Scott Kleinberg: Tank Johnson. No question.
Leo Ebersole: Prince Fielder. Admit it, he’s pretty awesome.
Phil Thompson: “Superbad” is the perfect description for Rex Grossman this past February.
Tracy Swartz: Jo Noah would star as McLovin.
Bag Boy: The Blackhawks. They should even wear capes.
TOPIC 4: THE BEARS HAVE A MONDAY-NIGHT REMATCH WITH THE COLTS. HOW WILL THIS ONE TURN OUT?
Scott Kleinberg: Da Bearsss 41, Da Coltsss 40.
Leo Ebersole: The Bears will triumph after Kyle Orton is ordered to party with Peyton Manning the night before.
Phil Thompson: The Bears will get revenge … in a completely meaningless game.
Tracy Swartz: Rex loses game. Fans call him Harry Flopper.
Bag Boy: I started a Valium IV drip on Friday to just get me ready.
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S BETTER AND WHY: COLLEGE FOOTBALL SATURDAYS OR NFL SUNDAYS?
Scott Kleinberg: NFL Sundays because despite what you’ve been told, no one really cares about college football.
Leo Ebersole: That’s like asking to choose between Eva Mendes and Gisele. And I choose Saturdays with Eva.
Phil Thompson: College. It’s fun to guess which Big Ten team’s building itself up for disappointment.
Tracy Swartz: Saturdays. … mmm … Lee Corso.
Bag Boy: NFL Sunday, because I simply can’t enjoy the game without excessive showboating.
