This Old Spouse
A Do-It-Yourself Guide to Restoring, Renovating, and Rebuilding Your Relationship
By Sharyn Wolf (Hudson Street Press, $23.95)
A house serves as a metaphor for relationships — wiring represents communication, the fireplace represents the sex life. And like any house, writes therapist Wolf, relationships demand regular maintenance along with the occasional renovation or repair.
1. Although it’s easy to minimize problems to avoid conflict, that technique is troublesome. Expect the job of repairing marital problems to take time, to go over schedule.
2. Trust is the foundation of a relationship — “when you feel the most vulnerable parts of you are safe in your partner’s hand and you know your partner is rooting for you, rooting for the marriage.”
3. Humor can quiet an argument like lubricant on a squeaky hinge. “Spouses should study what each does, intentionally or unintentionally, that makes the other laugh.”
4. Spontaneous sex is great, but couples should also schedule intimacy as if programming a thermostat.
5. Daily maintenance prevents most massive rehab projects. “Every one of these small, daily acts of love, respect, attention, and affection plays its part in maintaining intimacy and connectedness.”
