1. I ate it!
Wow, Lance, you lied about your car being stolen? Next you’ll be blaming me for your missing homework.
2. Or Tanked
Don’t blame, Lance, folks. You’d panic too if you thought your NFL career was about to get Vicktimized.
3. Hear me out
Who needs Briggs at linebacker anyway? His car is fast — we know it packs a punch — and it only cost $350,000 against the salary cap.
4. The sequel
Some of you will see “Balls of Fury” on Wednesday. Others will see “Balls of Worry” this fall when Rex Grossman starts passing.
5. Or how about lead ‘on’?
It’s good to have leadoff hitter Alfonso Soriano back, but how about more “lead” and less “off” from now on?
6. Open season
I think I finally found the answer to beating Roger Federer.
7. Sorry, Ms. Jackson
Janet, I thought we agreed, no more sporting events.
8. What’s in a Namath?
Thank you, Bridget Moynahan, for naming Tom Brady’s kid J.E.T. I wanna kish you. … Yeah!
9. Shady bid-ness
Electronic bidding has started for Barry Bonds’ 755th and 756th home-run balls. Also for sale for prospective buyers is “your pride” and “your soul.”
FIVE NAMES …
… not to give Tom Brady’s son.
— Colt
— Bill
— Dallas
— Peyton
— Cindy
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