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TOPIC 1: WHAT WILL BE THE BEST CHICAGO SPORTS MOMENT IN SEPTEMBER?
Jimmy Greenfield: Lance Briggs will park his Lamborghini in my driveway and flee the scene.
Leo Ebersole: The moment the Cubs take a commanding five-game lead over Milwaukee.
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Cubs make the playoffs! Wee!
Phil Thompson: Carlos Zambrano gets impatient with NL Central race and literally BEATS the Cardinals.
Bag Boy: Rex Grossman has his 22nd fumble and interception on the same play, setting an NFL record.
TOPIC 2: WHAT WILL BE THE WORST CHICAGO SPORTS MOMENT IN SEPTEMBER?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Cubs’ season will end. The Cardinals’ season will continue.
Leo Ebersole: When the Cubs realize they’re still three games behind the Cardinals.
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Cubs lose in the playoffs. Boo.
Phil Thompson: Cedric Benson’s stopped so forcefully he becomes the first player to be pushed back through time.
Bag Boy: Wait, are the Blackhawks starting their season early?
TOPIC 3: THE MOVIE ‘BALLS OF FURY’ IS OUT. IS PING-PONG A SPORT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Ping-Pong is a sport. And it’s a dessert topping!
Leo Ebersole: According to Jimmy, everything that involves getting smacked with a paddle is a sport.
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: I’ve always considered ball-smacking a sport.
Phil Thompson: If you can lose an eye, it’s a sport.
Bag Boy: Paddles aren’t for playing sports, paddles are for … never mind.
TOPIC 4: WHO WILL BE THE NEXT BEAR TO GET ARRESTED AND WHY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Rex Grossman, for being criminally overpaid.
Leo Ebersole: Staley, on an unfortunate public nudity charge.
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Yogi Bear, for stealing a pic-a-nic basket (credit to Phil for the impersonation).
Phil Thompson: If getting burned deep is considered arson, I have a warrant here for Danieal Manning.
Bag Boy: Jerry Angelo for DUI — drafting under the influence. Your honor, I call Cedric Benson to the stand.
TOPIC 5: WHAT SILVER LINING IS THERE IN THE WHITE SOX SEASON?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Balls of Fury” wasn’t written by a White Sox fan.
Leo Ebersole: They found someone who can play center field. And for the right price, Torii Hunter could be theirs.
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: There’s no more risk they’ll kill another great ’80s song (Cubs, keep your paws off of Journey).
Phil Thompson: I’m guessing that silver lining is cyanide residue.
Bag Boy: Ask me when it’s over.
