OK, here are the ground rules: No CTA questions for Kyra, feel free to verbally abuse Jimmy, and please, don’t feed the Bag Boy. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: HOW CAN THE BEARS STOP SAN DIEGO’S LADAINIAN TOMLINSON?
Jimmy Greenfield: The same way Leo gets girls: begging and pleading.
Phillip Thompson: Add just one more letter to his name.
Leo Ebersole: 1. Steal the visor he wears on his helmet. 2. Spray-paint that visor.
Kyra Kyles: SAT strategy. Leave it blank, and come back to it when you’ve completed the other answers.
Bag Boy: Is he THAT guy from THAT commercial with the Bears? Never heard of him.
TOPIC 2: WHAT’S YOUR WACKIEST PREDICTION FOR THE BEARS THIS SEASON?
Jimmy Greenfield: Soldier Field will decide to fuel up and fly back to its home planet.
Phillip Thompson: Lovie Smith will speak so slowly his voice will actually travel backward in time.
Leo Ebersole: The team will run at least one fumble-ruski play on purpose, and at least 236 on accident.
Kyra Kyles: Rex Grossman will fold under fan scrutiny and retire from football a la Ricky Williams.
Bag Boy: In the Philly game, McNabb’s No. 1 fan Tommie Harris blurts: “I wanna kiss you.”
TOPIC 3: WHAT IS YOUR BEARS PREGAME RITUAL?
Jimmy Greenfield: Strip naked and scream, “I am a Golden God!” Also my pre-“Oprah” ritual.
Phillip Thompson: I eat anything that’s orange or blue. I find the Smurfs to be quite delicious.
Leo Ebersole: I like to yodel. It’s a personal choice.
Kyra Kyles: Hibernate for a few hours, then spring into action — or rather into a recliner in front of a TV.
Bag Boy: I do 100 push-ups. You know the kind with the orange sherbet?
TOPIC 4: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HELP THE CUBS WIN A PLAYOFF SPOT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Batting .322 with two outs and nachos in eating position.
Phillip Thompson: I’m rerouting the Dodgers’ team bus to Bolivia.
Leo Ebersole: I am now only booing people who wear Michigan gear.
Kyra Kyles: Why would I help the Cubs? South Siiiiide for life!
Bag Boy: I turned up the boo juice on Carlos Zambrano. You’re next, Derrek Lee.
TOPIC 5: THE WHITE SOX VS. TWINS USED TO MEAN SOMETHING. WHAT DOES IT MEAN THIS WEEKEND?
Jimmy Greenfield: Player stats still mean millions of dollars to anxious fantasy baseball team owners.
Phillip Thompson: It means “The Bronx is Burning” won’t be the most boring sports-related TV show.
Leo Ebersole: Less than the Hat Game being played on the Jumbotron.
Kyra Kyles: Yet another sporting event I can ignore. Who wants to join me for some shoe shoppin’?
Bag Boy: It means there will be Twinkies in both dugouts!
