1. It’s been done
Is it me or is Kanye West vs. 50 Cent just Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump with nicer haircuts?
2. Fuming
Kanye, meanwhile, says he’ll never be on MTV again after going winless at the VMAs. It’s worth noting here that Kanye never, ever exaggerates or says things out of anger, so you can take him at his word on this one.
3. Feeling lightheaded
“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”? Does he visit Miss Teen South Carolina in this one?
4. Never, ever again
The comparison that must never again be acknowledged.
5. Step 2
Britney’s tired-looking performance at Sunday’s VMAs has everyone wondering what’s next for her. Today, the consensus is “Mission: Man Band” on VH1.
6. Pick your poison
And let’s take it easy with all the poking fun at Britney’s physique. That could’ve been my ass in a thong you were looking at.
7. Happy feat
Coldplay has revealed several new song titles on its next album, including “Cemeteries of London,” “Lost” and “Rainy Day.” Yes, it’s shaping up to be the band’s least-depressing album yet.
8. Join the club
Apple announced it has sold 1 million iPhones, which I guess is a polite way of saying, “You’re not the only sucker who overpaid.”
9. No change
The Oscars announced the producer for this year’s show. What it means to you: Still more than four hours long, still a lot of thank-yous to people you don’t care about.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
