Potato chips? Check. Ice? Check. Brats? Check. Let’s get this weekend show on the road. Wait, Bag Boy, where’s the beer? Sign up at redeyechicago/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: COME UP WITH AN ANTI-KANSAS CITY CHEER TO FIRE UP THE BEARS.
Jimmy Greenfield: “We’re gonna whup you just for fun! That will make us a crappy 1-1!”
Phil Thompson: “You’re not in Kansas anymore!” Actually, that might be considered a good thing.
Leo Ebersole: “Your game plan on offense is totally flawless. Keep on not throwing to Tony Gonzalez.”
Tracy Swartz: “You wear short jorts.”
Bag Boy: “K.C. Disasterpiece” for you barbecue fans out there.
TOPIC 2: IF THE BEARS LOSE THEIR HOME OPENER TO THE CHIEFS, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Jimmy Greenfield: It means Rex Grossman played the whole game.
Phil Thompson: The Bears should promise to retire like 50 Cent.
Leo Ebersole: Simply put: The end.
Tracy Swartz: It’ll be a happy journey back to Kansas Pity, the hateway to the West.
Bag Boy: It means Lovie Smith will be the first coach to be on the hot seat two games after a Super Bowl.
TOPIC 3: BEARS VS. CHIEFS OR CUBS VS. CARDINALS. WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT AND WHY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Cubs-Cards. Because it’d be more important even if both teams stank.
Phil Thompson: Bears. If they lose this game, even the Chiefs would be ashamed of them.
Leo Ebersole: Bears-Chiefs. Watching the two worst pass offenses in the league has to be worth something.
Tracy Swartz: Be glad Missourians will get a chance to leave the state. It’s Mizz-ness time.
Bag Boy: Cubs-Cards, because the Cubs aren’t done toying with my emotions. Not by a long shot.
TOPIC 4: TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ALMA MATER’S COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM.
Jimmy Greenfield: I went to Kansas, and it’s my understanding they do have a football team.
Phil Thompson: My Norfolk State Spartans play at Rutgers next. Spartans! Tonight we dine in Jersey!
Leo Ebersole: We have two more wins than Michigan and get the Duke Blue Devils Food Cupcakes Saturday.
Tracy Swartz: I didn’t ask Florida QB Tim Tebow to sign my stomach, just my Tiger Beat poster.
Bag Boy: Who’s mother?
TOPIC 5: NASCAR’S CHASE FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP BEGINS SUNDAY. WHO’S YOUR PICK?
Jimmy Greenfield: Tiger Woods.
Phil Thompson: I can’t answer on the grounds it would damage my street cred.
Leo Ebersole: Danica Patrick. No, wait, sorry, that was completely ignorant. Speed Racer.
Tracy Swartz: Here’s a clue: Dale Earnhardt Jr. in a wall on turn 3.
Bag Boy: You can’t be serious.
