ASSUMING YOU WERE EDUCATED at some level, your heart likely sank each summer when you first spotted ads for back-to-school sales. We still remember those ads blindsiding us each year, sucking the summer wind out of our sails and casting a pall over our dwindling days of freedom.
Shopping suburban stores for pens and notebooks in the early 1980s, as we did, seemed akin to looking for caskets. But today’s “educational” products have become so much fun we’re thinking of re-enrolling.
For example, Target’s back-to-school line includes Wrist Rockets, and lunchboxes equipped with stereo speakers, evidently because principals have been complaining that their cafeterias are too sedate.
As for clothing, alongside conservative jumpers and staid oxfords, JC Penney advertises a wide selection of back-to-school lingerie, including push-up bras and thongs from a line called Flirtitude, items that are sure to make tuition-paying dads happy. Not to be outdone, Victoria’s Secret has a back-to-school series that includes something called an “all-night” backpack. Classy.
Meanwhile, liquor stores near the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign tout sales at the start of each school year, helping collegians on tight budgets squeeze in a few blackouts as they seek the light of learning. Piccadilly Beverage Shop, for one, slashes prices on all its Miller products–including kegs–and on all bottles of Bacardi, Smirnoff and Jack Daniels, presenting students with real-world lessons in economics, marketing and, just maybe, criminal justice.
