Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in Wednesdays. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Tracy Swartz
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Mike North
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: ANYONE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE CUBS’ 9 P.M. START?
The Cubs will be too busy thinkingabout what’s happening on “Gossip Girl” to concentrate.
Their bats have gone to sleep much earlier than that.
It’s eating into the precious time Phil sets aside for “Tell Me You Love Me” reruns.
Better late than never.
I do. “Young Guns II” with Lou Diamond Phillips is on. Man, you thought the first one was good.
TOPIC 2: GIVE A CUB SOME LAST-MINUTE ADVICE.
Keep practicing mellow patience. You guys don’t have to win it all this year. Right? RIGHT?
Choke up on the bat when you … scratch that. Don’t choke. Don’t choke in any way, shape or form.
Ryan Dempster: Don’t. Walk. Anyone.
To Carlos Zambrano: water, plenty of water.
Traditionally, you lose to cheesy, newer NL teams (Padres, Marlins). The D’backs fit the profile.
TOPIC 3: HOW WOULD YOU SOLVE CONTROVERSIAL CALLS IN BASEBALL?
Like crank calls from Jacques Strappe? Gut the caller like a fish, as Moe would say.
Problem: Leo’s from D.C. but roots for the Yankees. Ruling: Leo’s a poser. Problem: Solved.
With a quick call to Judge Mathis. Has he ever been wrong?
Instant replays in playoff games … please!
I really haven’t seen any. Then again, my real last name isDenkinger.
TOPIC 4: WHY DID THE BULLS CHANGE THEIR MINDS ABOUT BEN WALLACE’S HEADBAND?
Because Scott Skiles is no longer a rabid anti-bandite, as Kramer would say.
Let me apologize in advance: It’s about time they banded together.
It’s possible they realized how ridiculous they were being.
It’s a team rule, except for Ben! What?
A quick look at the other centers on the roster pushed it over the top, I think.
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S NEXT FOR ISIAH THOMAS?
Maybe he’ll voice Petey the Sexual Harassment Panda in an upcoming “South Park” episode.
He can’t hit on women in the office anymore, but the water cooler’s looking really good.
Sensitivity training with New York’s finest dominatrix.
A nice long talk with the wife.
He’s really only wrecked two out of a possible 30 NBA teams. So, lots of work left there.
