The Battle of the Fives takes a break this week. Lou Piniella decided to rest it for Game 4. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Tracy Swartz
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: DID LOU PINIELLA MAKE THE RIGHT MOVE?
He’s got the moves all right. He can do the “white guy shuffle” better than Leo.
I agree with him. Jason Marquis can’t be trusted to tie his own shoes.
No. Zambrano may have been the most capable Cubs hitter in the lineup that night.
No. By all accounts, his postgame moonwalk through the locker room pleased no one.
Oh, please. Let’s wait until Sunday, and then second-guess for the next … well … eternity.
TOPIC 2: WHAT CAN THE CUBS USE AT WRIGLEY FIELD TO HELP THEM BEAT THE D’BACKS?
Nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills.
Blind them with the glare of 40,000 blue cell phone lights.
Samuel L. Jackson, natural enemy of the North American snake.
Maybe there are some leftover corked bats sitting around Sammy Sosa’s old locker.
They’re called “bats.” The catch? You have to swing them.
TOPIC 3: BRETT FAVRE IS TO BEARS QUARTERBACKS WHAT …
… a dudegar is to Chads.
… a shotgun is to a barrel of fish. Or in this case, monkeys.
… Pearl Jam is to Good Charlotte.
… cheeseheads are to Bag Boy.
… “Seinfeld” was to “Blossom.” Anyone seen Joey Lawrence? Exactly.
TOPIC 4: PREDICT SOMETHING JOHN MADDEN WILL SAY DURING THE BEARS-PACKERS GAME.
“The Bears are getting stuffed like a turducken.”
“If the Bears are going to score, they need to do a better job of getting to the end zone.”
“When you have a team that can outscore the other, that team has a pretty good chance to win.”
Off the air: “Where is my sandwich! Dammit, someone send me my sandwich.”
“You got the Bears and their defense, the Packers and Brett Favre. This is what it’s all about.”
TOPIC 5: WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP, TELL US SOMETHING NEW ABOUT THIS YEAR’S BLACKHAWKS.
Emilio Estevez will be coaching them against the other peewee teams.
They’re so young this year their skates have training wheels.
Unfortunately they passed on Will Ferrell and Jon Heder in the draft.
Well, I hear they probably will need a new owner now.
Younger ownership.
