Here’s a theory about Steve Bartman. I believe he is living outside the country — maybe in the Bahamas or something. I say he secretly flies in for the games this weekend at Wrigley Field — and gets tickets courtesy of Dusty Baker.
(Oh, that reminds me, due to the playoffs, I won’t be running in the marathon this weekend. I spent the last week training for it, but … well … you know.)
Ah, who are we kidding? It’s on, big time. Maybe I’m absolutely crazy, perhaps something has come over me but I think these playoffs are wide open.
Which feels really weird, because the Cubs always seem to lose to that newer, cheesier team that nobody really likes. See: San Diego Padres, 1984. Florida Marlins, 2003. Believe me, there is nobody out there living and dying with the Marlins and Padres.
That’s why the Diamondbacks scare me. Confession: I don’t know a soul on this team. Well, wait, Chris Young. That’s only because the White Sox traded him. Warning: These guys may haunt your dreams.
Look at it this way — this is all a pleasant diversion away from the defending NFC champs.
I am so disgusted with the way this team has fallen apart that it finally, after an ungodly amount of years, has hit me.
I am sick of the Bears.
Here’s why: For as much devotion I have shown them, they have shown me they are a second-rate team.
Hey, I’m not the only one who feels this way. Just ask Bag Girl. I see us on Oprah’s couch in a few months, telling everyone about us, but here’s what she’ll say:
“I couldn’t even finish watching the Packers game, Oprah. It was as much of a disappointment and irritating waste of time as any weekend with him.”
Guys, she’s all mine. You can’t have her.
There’s too much pride here.
Oh, you don’t have to tell me, I’m guilty of it myself. Oh, we play great defense. Oh, we run the ball. Oh, were so tough. So, so tough.
Here’s a quick update. We don’t have an NFL quarterback, and we really don’t have a running back either. Listen, I’m going to save us all six weeks of misery and start calling for Kyle Orton right now.
Then, I’m going to start calling for whoever the best QB in the draft is. In other words, back to the drawing board. You know the one.
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redeyesports@tribune.com
