Man, I’d like to be upset, but I honestly don’t remember anything. I’m speaking of the Cubs’ typical postseason failure.
I’d love to dwell on it — heck, I’m paid to dwell on it, but I can’t. I should have seen this coming. The signs were obvious.
During their NL Division Series against Arizona, the Cubs hit like … the Cubs. You know what I mean. They didn’t take pitches, they didn’t go with the pitch, and they grounded into too many double plays. As for Alfonso Soriano, well, if you think that’s a leadoff man, think again. He strikes out way too often — Sammy Sosa often, as a matter of fact.
Kenny Lofton — remember him? He was only our best leadoff hitter ever. He’s still in it — for Cleveland of all teams.
It gets worse. We lost to a cheese-ball team. Here’s proof: They still haven’t sold out the first game of the Rockies series. Wow. That’s apathy. Too much else going on in the desert, I guess.
Well, I’m sure we’ll all look back and cry once Lou Piniella leaves. Oh, that’s right, you heard it here. Joe Torre leaves the Yankees; Piniella takes the Yankee job. I don’t even know if it’s legal, I just know it’s poetic. Speaking of poetic, here’s a poem I wrote after the Bears won Sunday night:
‘Lo the big bad Packers were strong, you were better.
Though Al and John said stupid, meaningless things, and things looked hopeless,
I felt compelled to watch.
Now do it again on Sunday against the Vikings.
Thanks, I wrote it myself. Seriously, I’m expecting a win on Sunday. I’ve already scripted the first few plays. The formula is quite simple: Run, run, run some more, toss to the tight end, run, fake run, toss to the tight end, sweep to Devin Hester, run, toss to the tight end, punt occasionally, score off special teams turnover.
And since we’re not re-signing Rex Grossman, that frees up money to sign up Lance Briggs. He’s a better offensive threat than our QBs. Let’s keep him and draft a no-name QB.
And speaking of no-names, I caught the Bulls preseason game the other night. Yes, I’m sorry too.
Ah, there’s always the future. It beats the present.
