There’s a jokey mass e-mail making the rounds (for at least the third time, by our count) headlined “The Next ‘Survivor’ Series.” It starts out like this: Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and three kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his three kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.
The joke goes on for far too long (especially if you’re a man), but it has its moments (especially if you’re a woman). The men get razzed about doing all the wifely chores they tend to take for granted, including remembering birthdays, scheduling haircuts, cleaning up baby vomit and getting everyone dressed and out the door on time each morning.
The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice. Ha, ha.
We were reminded of this e-mail when we read about the growing “happiness gap” between men and women. In a recent study, men and women were asked to quantify their satisfaction with life. The men reported being slightly happier than the women — a reversal of the findings in a similar survey in the 1970s.
A second study suggests why: Since the 1960s, men have learned to work less and relax more. Women haven’t. Yes, maybe that’s because someone has to do the work the men have stopped doing and no, it probably wouldn’t hurt to leave some of it undone. We’re not trying to pick a fight here. Honest.
The second study used a “misery index” to identify the tasks men and women considered most unpleasant. Not surprisingly, it found that men dislike some tasks women find tolerable, and vice versa.
Though the study doesn’t examine the reasons, some obvious theories present themselves. Men don’t mind ironing as much as women do (everything’s fun the first time!); women enjoy gardening more than men do (oh, sure, but does that include mowing the lawn?). Women are less likely than men to enjoy time spent with their parents.
The researcher (a man, for the record) hypothesizes that this is because when women spend time with their parents, it’s often in the role of helper or caregiver, but when men spend time with their parents, it’s often in front of the television.
Reports about the studies touched off a gender skirmish online, with both sexes arguing that the findings validate the usual grievances.
Why does the man think he’s doing a favor to run the vacuum? Why does the woman get to decide how many times a week is enough times to run it? Is the happiness gap caused by men’s failure to do their fair share, or by women’s failure to adjust their expectations? Is there really a toilet paper fairy who replenishes the roll periodically?
The researchers didn’t answer those questions, and we’re sure not going to go there. But here’s something we’d like the misery index to address: It’s clear men and women are spending a lot of time venting about each other online — forwarding jokey e-mails, blogging about provocative news stories and generally bashing the opposite sex.
Does that count as happy time or not?
