It’s getting close to Halloween, which explains why we’re seeing so much of Tracy and Rahula lately. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
Tracy Swartz
TOPIC 1: TWO RED SOX TITLES IN FOUR SEASONS. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE CURSE OF THE BAMBINO?
It still lives. The Red Sox haven’t won a World Series since Sunday. Damn you, Bambino!
It wasn’t performing up to George Steinbrenner’s standards so he fired it.
It’s getting to that Joe Paterno stage in its life where it doesn’t really know what’s going on.
Bostonians whined incessantly until the ghosts got tired of it and walked away.
It was lifted after Blockbuster finally stopped renting out “The Babe.”
TOPIC 2: WHAT’S ONE THING YOU’D EXPECT TO SEE AT BOSTON’S VICTORY PARADE?
Ben Affleck making out with Jimmy Fallon.
A lot of drunken, brawling, hairy-chested revelers. And that’s just the female fans.
Alex Rodriguez, handing out laminated resumes.
Whining about not already having A-Rod, mixed with a dash of self-importance.
Ben Affleck conceiving another baby.
TOPIC 3: WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER RUNNING UP THE SCORE IN PRO FOOTBALL?
If what the Pats did Sunday wasn’t running up the score then it doesn’t exist.
Throwing the ball when your lead rivals the national debt or LiLo’s blood alcohol level.
When Belichick is drawing up plays with a bloodied machete with 10:43 to go in the 3rd quarter.
If it’s your job to play football, it’s your job to stop the other team. Suck it up.
When Tom Brady has cocktails with Victoria’s Secret models.
TOPIC 4: WHOSE AGENT WOULD YOU RATHER BE: KOBE’S OR A-ROD’S?
That’s like asking would you rather kick Barry Bonds or slap him across the face.
A-Rod’s. One word: “Leftovers.”
Kobe’s. Are you kidding me? He’s, like, the next LeBron James.
A-Rod’s already has 10 percent of $252 million. So yeah, him.
Kobe’s. I’d try to grant his wish of starring in “Kazaam 2.” Boo yah, Shaq.
TOPIC 5: THE BEARS HAVE A BYE WEEK. WHAT SHOULD THEY DO WITH THE TIME OFF?
Get jobs interning for the New England Patriots.
Brian Urlacher needs an emergency personality transplant.
I’m sorry, but I refuse to offer the team advice unless it’s through foxsports.com.
Make vacation plans for January. Shouldn’t have any obligations then.
Turn back their clocks for daylight-saving time — to 2006.
