1. Intensive care
Doctors are testing the use of hot sauce as a pain reliever. I know if I had a ghastly flesh wound I’d want the same treatment a batch of chicken wings gets.
2. Smart move
Ellen DeGeneres is set to be the first celebrity briefcase holder on “Deal or No Deal.” She also increases the group’s collective IQ by 300 percent.
3. Off the hook
Kid Rock won’t face charges for his fight with Tommy Lee at the MTV VMAs. Las Vegas rules say it’s not a misdemeanor if he didn’t hit Tommy hard enough to convince him to marry a Hilton sister.
4. Going green
Cast members of “Days of Our Lives” are celebrating “Green Week.” All week they’ll be injecting themselves with a corn-based Botox.
5. Flashback
Bon Jovi announced a world tour with plans to play Japan, New Zealand, Ireland, Austria and other countries where apparently it’s still 1989.
6. The offspring
Larry the Cable Guy is a new dad. Great. Just the person we all wanted to see multiply.
7. Head writer
Kanye West is coming out with a new book. It will be the first book to start every sentence with the word “Kanye.”
8. The angry gourmet
A “Hell’s Kitchen” video game comes out next year. Pre-order a copy today, and let your inner-chef know that the [bleeping] [bleep] tastes like [bleep].
9. Last action hero
I’m reading that there’s a Green Lantern movie in the works. Basically it’s “Daredevil” with nicer spandex.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
