It’s opening night in New Jersey! In lieu of a red carpet, I arrived at the Izod Center in East Rutherford on a garbage barge. How appropriate, because there was a lingering stench around the Bulls’ play Wednesday night, and it smelled of that pesky Kobe Bryant! Were the Bulls victims of distracting trade rumors? First-game jitters? Too much Halloween candy? Let’s take a look:
1
1. First offensive play of the Bulls season and … stolen by Jason Kidd. Second offensive play of the young season is nearly hijacked again. Say, what is Kobe’s phone number again?
2. I blinked and Tyrus Thomas fouled someone. Good to see him in midseason form already.
3. The broadcast shows a gray-haired Bill Cartwright sitting on the Nets bench. I knows he’s an assistant coach with the Nets, but I’m wondering if he’d like to suit up. Hey, he’s not that far off from Ben Wallace.
4. The feed from New Jersey keeps blacking out. I suspect the Blackhawks.
5. Ben Wallace looked really spry on that quick spin move to the basket. You see, Scott Skiles, it was the headband all along.
6. Next play, Wallace floats a fadeaway jumper. I’m sorry, have we met?
7. Just saw a shot of Donald Trump on the sidelines. Slumming, are we? And I’m talking to the Nets.
8. Jay-Z and Chris Rock are there too! Is this an indication of how sorry the Knicks have become?
9. Ah well, nothing much has changed. The Nets had 12 fast-break points to Chicago’s zippo. The Bulls still look like they’re jogging in sand whenever they play the run-‘n’-gun New Jersey Nets. Oops, better not say “gun” and “New Jersey.”
END OF THE FIRST
NETS 25, BULLS 21
2
1. The feed just blacked out again as Comcast put up a “technical difficulties” screen. I don’t know if they’re referring to themselves or the Bulls defense.
2. Thomas, brick. Wallace, brick. Kirk Hinrich, brick. As I watch the Bulls build a fireplace around the rim, I ask, John Paxson, do you think you fixed that scoring problem?
3. More technical difficulties. In terms of constant annoyances, we’ve reached Andres Nocioni Level.
4. Again with the difficulties. They did know the season was starting, right?
5. It’s clear the team’s game plan will be to bottle up Luol Deng and make others beat them. I blame Cedric Benson and the lack of a running game.
6. It seems like the Bulls are fouling more often than the Nets, but the numbers just bear it out.
7. The Bulls are standing around like Easter Island statues while Bostjan Nachbar flushes a Richard Jefferson pass. Halloween: Welcome to my nightmare.
8. What? Jefferson is frozen mid-foul. Again the America’s wackiest video. God must be TiVo-ing this.
9. What just happened here? The Bulls had back-to-back turnovers faster than you can say “Brian Griese.” The Bulls respond to Scott Skiles’ timeout by letting the Nets finish the half on a 12-4 run. Oy vey.
END OF THE SECOND
NETS 56, BULLS 41
3
1. The circus trip must have come early this season because the Bulls were getting clowned at the half. I’m sure Skiles’ halftime speech was pretty mellow.
2. Ben Gordon starts to heat up. He is a microwave among toaster ovens.
3. Chris Duhon knocks down a big three, the fourth of five 3-pointers. It just occurred to me, the Bulls’ strategy is to lull teams to sleep in the first half.
4. Could this be the play that turns things around? A mad scramble for the ball ends up in the hands of Lu Deng, who finishes with a dunk.
5. Nenad Krstic is hit with an offensive foul on … wait for it … Ty Thomas. Don’t feel bad, Krstic, I’d take that bet every time too.
6. Gordon hits another three! Nets 66, Bulls 63! I was with you all along, guys!
7. Joe Smith looks so relaxed you’d think he was kicking back in the Bahamas sipping magaritas instead of in the Izod Center sinking jumpers. Just the kind of cool-headed veteran we need. Well done, Pax.
8. Another furious comeback as the Bulls score 32 and hold the Nets to 18. Same M.O. as last season.
9. One-point deficit with a quarter left on the road. I’ll take that every day and twice on Sunday. I have no idea why people say that.
END OF THE THIRD
NETS 74, BULLS 73
4
1. Noce finally gives the Bulls the lead. Skiles’ clenched jaw loosens up to Pit Bull Level.
2. Gordon is a little late with the lob to Thomas that gets picked off. It’s early; they’ll work it out.
3. Some of these foul calls in the Nets’ favor are pretty suspect. Did someone remember to LoJack Tim Donaghy?
4. Chris Duhon hurts his shoulder. Welcome to the club.
5. I know it’s just the first game, but Deng flying in for a rebound, followed by Deng taking a charge, followed by Deng picking Vince Carter’s pocket and finishing with a dunk is the best triple play you’ll see all season.
6. How many times did Stacey King say, “You gotta get that rebound”? Hey, Stacey, how many rebounds did you get when you were playing?
7. Second-chance shots are killing the Bulls. Too many second-chance shots for them gives you no shot.
8. Noce nails a 3-pointer with 39 seconds left. I think I just fell in love all over again.
9. Carter airballs the Nets’ final attempt but blocks Gordon. To overtime … tallyho!
END OF THE FOURTH
BULLS 96, NETS 96
OT
1. Who is Antoine Wright and who in New Jersey do I have to see about making this kid “go away?”
2. Deng almost gets another steal. That will be all.
3. Jason Kidd lobs an assist to VC. That’s what he does.
4. Wallace answers with a dunk. That what HE does.
5. Wallace commits the most untimely turnover ever on a bad pass — which Richard Jefferson converts into a chest-thumping three. This is soooo much like a Bears game I think I might be sick.
6. This is not looking good. Check your ledges to make sure Bag Boy hasn’t jumped.
7. Only 33.2 seconds left — down by five. I beg the Spurs for a quick trade for Tony Parker. They don’t return my calls.
8. They’re already playing the “Nah, nah, nah, nah, goodbye” song. Hey, no need for that. This is Chicago, we have it on our iPods.
9. Gordon takes a desperation shot, but Jefferson’s block has the ball and Gordon eating floor. It was a metaphor for the Bulls’ struggles against the Nets (12 straight road losses), although I’m sure for Gordon it didn’t feel like a metaphor.
FINAL
NETS 112, BULLS 103
