Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in on Wednesdays. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Tracy Swartz
Mike North
Topic 1. HOW DOES AN NBA ROOKIE KNOW IF HE’S HAD A GOOD DEBUT?
The veterans let him wear the classy Meryl Streep outfit on the next road trip.
You can hear Stephen A. Smith talking about you — and your TV’s off.
Nike covers his house in liquid platinum.
If he’s Jo Noah and I’m waiting for him after practice in a non-boiling-bunny way.
If he breaks a sweat.
Topic 2. WHAT CELEBRITY WOULD YOU INVITE TO GIVE THE BEARS A PEP TALK?
Kyle Chandler. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!
Tony Soprano, if you get my drift.
Dane Cook. Maybe it’ll finally inspire them to hit somebody hard.
Alec Baldwin can leave a voicemail to you “rude, thoughtless, little” Briggs.
For one game, Pam Anderson. For a season — the pope!
Topic 3. THE CUBS WILL MAKE CLOSER RYAN DEMPSTER A STARTER. GOOD OR BAD IDEA?
Just as long as Kerry Wood doesn’t become the closer. I just wouldn’t want to boo that much.
Good idea. Anyone who relieves Cubs starters is used to working a lot of innings.
Great idea! Pitchers who walk two batters an inning make great starters!
A starter husband? Sure, he can be my Nick Lachey.
Good, because then he can’t close: Addition by subtraction.
Topic 4. TAKE A GUESS AT HOW MUCH A-ROD WILL MAKE IN HIS NEXT CONTRACT.
$252,000,000.01 …
“I’ll be asking him for a loan.” — Signed, God.
He’ll make $6 million. Perstrikeout with runners on in the playoffs.
Equal to the number of times I threw up in my mouth after Ron Jeremy’s Britney impression.
Who cares? The egomaniac is a loser when the big games come …
Topic 5. UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD BASEBALL USE INSTANT REPLAY?
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.
To catch illegal sippers during pass-the-beer drills.
To screen road groupies lined up outside the bar.
Not if it’s a scene from “Fever Pitch.”
I can’t wait for umpires to look into a giant TV with drapes. Are you kidding me?
