Adam Caldarelli of chicagosports.com is a big soccer — excuse us — “football” fan. Admitting it is the first step to recovery, Adam. Sign up at redeyechicago/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Adam Caldarelli
Supriya Doshi
TOPIC 1: WHO’S KEEPING THE BULLS FROM WINNING?
The Man.
Jimmy stole my answer. I’ll give you one guess who let him go in front of me.
They learned it from you, Memphis Grizzlies!
Their rather sorry roster.
The devil. Ben Wallace sold the team’s soul so he could wear his headband.
TOPIC 2: WHAT CHANGES WOULD YOU MAKE TO THE ANNUAL CUBS CONVENTION?
I’d make it semi-annual, or bi-annual. Depending on which one means twice a year.
Gather everyone in the grand ballroom of the hotel — and release the spider monkeys!
Convert it into a “Bachelor”-style search for the next owner. Hot tub dates with Sweet Lou, anyone?
Hold it at the Ohio House with the rest of the losers in town.
Keep cheesy songs like “Go, Cubs, Go” from resurfacing. We don’t need a World Series song.
TOPIC 3: IF YOU HAD A WHITE SOX LEGACY BRICK, WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH IT?
Bottom of Lake Michigan, never to be seen again.
White Sox? I thought the Bulls had exclusive rights to all “bricks” in this town.
Smack any Sox fan who wants to sign A-Rod.
I’m sure some Sox fan could use it to prop up his primer-spotted Camaro in his front yard.
Use it to build a mausoleum for all of the Sox’s lost opportunities, past and future.
TOPIC 4: DENNIS MILLER IS TO SPORTS COMMENTARY AS …
… Dennis Miller is to things he should never, ever do.
… Frank Caliendo is to sports commentary.
… the Nobel Peace Prize winner for literature is to the Junior Jumble.
… Jimmy is to whatever it is we do here.
… the Hindenburg is to flight.
TOPIC 5: GIVE THE FIRE SOME ADVICE BEFORE THEY FACE NEW ENGLAND.
It’s better to have loved and lost than to have attended a soccer game.
Every England must have a queen who gives them orders. I’m guessing New England’s is Dane Cook.
Beware: If they’re anything like the other football team, they might spy on or impregnate you.
We are the Fire! We are the best! We are the Fire! [Screw] all the rest!
Say “chowdahh” — and score some goals.
