If chicagosports.com’s Rahula Strohl were in a roller skating competition, would that make it a Strohler Derby? Yeah, that was terrible even by our standards. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
Tracy Swartz
TOPIC 1: HAS REX GROSSMAN CREATED A QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY?
Oh, Rex is such a cutesy poo! He threw one touchdown pass! How frickin’ adorable.
It’s right up there among great Chicago debates about which CTA train is most reliable.
No, but he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Or something.
Yes, but only in Phil’s pants.
A Diddy-style rapoff between Rex and Brian should settle this. Don’t be a spoiler, G-Reg Olsen.
TOPIC 2: THE CUBS’ JACQUE JONES FOR THE TIGERS’ OMAR INFANTE — WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE TRADE?
Who couldn’t use the love child of Omar Sharif and Lindy Infante?
Everyone loves a Tiger Cub. They’re so cute, gnawing on human limbs and all.
Infante? That’s way too mature for a team like the Cubs.
We’re asked to analyze utility player trades now?
I’m excited the Cubs may get that guy from “House.” Perhaps he can resuscitate the team.
TOPIC 3: WHAT WOULD YOU BRING TO JACQUE JONES’ GOING AWAY PARTY?
Tacos. I make tremendous tacos.
I’ll bring the boos, I mean the booze.
A mixtape of his highlights with the team. Running time: 7 minutes.
Two questions about utility player trades?
A few Trojans to remind him of his USC days.
TOPIC 4: HELP SELL TORII HUNTER ON THE WHITE SOX.
I’ll throw in $50 and a lifetime supply of homemade tacos.
You need a team that’s going to be sensitive to your needs. May I present … Ozzie and Kenny!
No worries about crashing into the fence. Most opposing fly balls leave the yard.
It would offer the unique opportunity to play somewhere other than inside an air mattress.
Maybe Joan Cusack can offer him a free phone. Can you cheer me now?
TOPIC 5: IF JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE CAN HOST A PGA TOUR EVENT, THEN …
… Rahula Strohl can host an American Girl Doll slumber party.
… Tigers Woods can sing pop songs like an 8-year-old girl.
… Nicole Richie can host a Formula 1 grand prix.
… Kid Rock can host a PBA Tour event.
… Britney Spears can host a PTA event.
