We’re not on a trip, but it is indeed a circus around here. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Scott Kleinberg
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
STICK FIGURE
TOPIC 1: ‘CIRCUS TRIP’ IS TOO KIND A TERM FOR THE BULLS’ WEST COAST TRIP. GIVE IT A NEW NAME.
“The Britney Trip.”
“The it-doesn’t-matter-if-you-win-or-lose, it’s-all-about-having-fun trip.”
In keeping with the holiday theme: “The nutcracker.”
“The Kobe Bryant Appreciation Tour.”
The “I’m going to Disneyland trip!”
TOPIC 2: HOW WOULD YOU PERMANENTLY SETTLE THE BEARS’ QB CONTROVERSY?
Make the Patriots an offer for Tom Brady they can’t refuse.
Each gets a piece of gum. Biggest bubble wins.
Have each QB take Cosmo’s “Are you and your receiver compatible?” quiz.
Start Kyle Orton.
Hey fellas, no fighting. Just play Candy Land; the winner gets a cupcake and the job.
TOPIC 3: WHAT IS THE PROPER WAY TO HONOR A NASCAR CHAMP?
Say a toast honoring every skinny, white, non-athlete.
No speed limit in his hometown. “Sir, you were going 198 in a 45.” “Damn right, officer. Damn right.”
A traditional motor oil shower.
A 6-pack, a bucket of fried chicken and tickets to WrestleMania 24.
Cotton candy! But eat it quick, or it gets hard and lumpy.
TOPIC 4: THE CUBS HAVE BEEN ACTIVE TRADERS IN THE OFF-SEASON. WHOM SHOULD THEY TRADE OR TRADE FOR NEXT?
Trade Felix Pie now before he officially becomes the next Corey Patterson.
I would trade Lou Piniella to the Pirates. My manager just got called up from Triple A, yo!
Time to make a change at closer: Ryan Dempster out, dude from “Hitman” in.
Kerry Wood, here’s the door.
A dragon. No, how about a leprechaun. No, I got it — a unicorn!
TOPIC 5: A-ROD’S POSSIBLE NEW $258M DEAL IS LESS THAN HE FIRST WANTED. WHAT WOULD YOU TAKE A PAY CUT FOR?
I could live with my salary going from $27 million to $26.5million.
I’ll think about it while they install the Starbucks at my desk.
Only for more money. Wait a minute …
I’d trade in a little coin for a bag of dark chocolates every week.
Hey, no cutsies! Big loser!
