Fighting the urge to finish off that can of ReddiWip? Read on, and our panelists just might make you lose your appetite. E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com to join in on Fridays.
TOPIC 1: THE ODDS OF THE BEARS MAKING THE PLAYOFFS ARE SIMILAR TO …
Jimmy Greenfield: … the odds of the Bears making the NHL playoffs.
Brian Moore: … the odds of Leo getting a date that isn’t advertised in a catalog.
Leo Ebersole: … the odds of me convincing Mike Ditka to become a vegan.
Tracy Swartz: The likelihood Fergie ate turkey Thursday. It’s a H-A-M-O-R-O-U-S life.
Supriya Doshi: The odds of Tracy wearing an Illini jersey during the Florida-Illinois bowl game.
TOPIC 2: WILL CHICAGO EVER HAVE A QUARTERBACK IT CAN BE PROUD OF?
Jimmy Greenfield: Come on, have patience. It’s only been 57 years since Sid Luckman retired.
Brian Moore: Sure, as soon as the Cubs go to the World Series.
Leo Ebersole: It will next season. That quarterback’s name: C.J. Bacher.
Tracy Swartz: If the Bears had cheerleaders, I bet the quarterbacks would score more.
Supriya Doshi: Can I apply the Cubs’ “next season” delusions to the Bears?
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE THE PATRIOTS FACE IN THEIR QUEST TO GO 16-0?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps.
Brian Moore: Randy Moss turning into the Randy “Me First” Moss of old.
Leo Ebersole: Bill Belichick will have to chew off his finger to motivate them to play the 2nd half against Miami.
Tracy Swartz: The government.
Supriya Doshi: The Dolphins. I’m optimistic — they’re bound to win one game.
TOPIC 4: THE BULLS ARE COMING BACK HOME FROM THE ‘CIRCUS TRIP.’ TELL THEM WHAT THEY’VE MISSED.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Blackhawks are the best team in Chicago. Aren’t you ashamed of yourselves?
Brian Moore: Tracy gave up using double-entendres in her answers! Not!
Leo Ebersole: Tracy’s Joakim Noah shrine now gets as many as three visitors a day from all over the world!
Tracy Swartz: I enrolled Jo Noah in the Barbizon School of God-elling.
Supriya Doshi:You will now be playing in a four-ring circus tent.
TOPIC 5: WHAT LEFTOVERS DO WE NEED TO GET RID OF FROM THE SPORTS WORLD?
Jimmy Greenfield: Wow, if ever a question was meant to be answered with the words “Rex Grossman,” this is it.
Brian Moore: Ben Wallace, Rex Grossman and Kerry Wood. Left over from sports experiments gone bad.
Leo Ebersole: Half of the NHL. And maybe the ESPYs. No, definitely the ESPYs.
Tracy Swartz: Remaining Bears games. The holidays aren’t depressing enough having to Xmas shop.
Supriya Doshi: Kyle Orton. His beard is starting to develop an odor.
