Despite their ineptitude, we’ve signed these five up for another year in Five on Five. Sorry, Chicago. Sign up for the fun at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Scott Kleinberg
Tracy Swartz
Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
Brian Moore
TOPIC 1: WHO SAID THIS AND WHY: ‘I HAD THE TRIFECTA DONE TO ME TODAY’?
Leo. I said “hi” and he just blurted it out for some reason.
Leo. Meow Mix shopping, “Garfield 2” and picking up strays sounds like fun fur hours.
Tara Reid. “The Trifecta” sounds like something she read about on awfulplasticsurgery.com.
I have several answers, but none are appropriate in mixed company.
Scott after an iPhone software update gone wrong.
TOPIC 2: WE’VE HAD THE BEARS’ QB CONTROVERSY. NOW DO WE HAVE AN RB CONTROVERSY?
No. Arby’s RB is definitely better.
No way. It always feels like an Arby’s night.
Starting Adrian Peterson is about as controversial as disliking a kick in the crotch.
I’ll take Adrian Peterson over Cedric Benson on crutches.
Benson should lose his job thanks to his injury, just like Brian Griese did. This year or next.
TOPIC 3: LET’S GIVE DEVIN HESTER A NICKNAME.
“Twinkle toes”
“Hesticular virility”
“Six”
“The Most Extra Special Super-Dee-Duper Amazingness Ever.” Too wordy?
“Touchdown Jesus”
TOPIC 4: THE BULLS ARE HOME AFTER THEIR CIRCUS ROAD TRIP. WHAT’S YOUR WELCOME HOME GIFT FOR THEM?
A scary clown to jump out and scare some sense into them.
Jo Noah probably picked up enough expensive toys at Circus City.
It’s … a brand-new starting backcourt! Chris Duhon and Kobe! (Applause.)
An 8-foot rim.
A DVD of highlights from the Michael Jordan era.
TOPIC 5: THE CUBS SIGNED KERRY WOOD TO A 1-YEAR DEAL. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM HIM IN 2008?
The DL, six innings over 93 games and you asking this question again in 12 months.
An ESPN mini-series called “When Kerry met Rally.”
I expect him to adequately fill Ryan Dempster’s role of blowing tight games.
To reveal that he, Rex Grossman and Kirk Hinrich actually are the same person.
Anything less than six trips to the disabled list is absolutely unacceptable.
