1. Iron will
Stupid.com is selling a Hillary Clinton nutcracker for the holidays. That seems like an unfair characterization of the New York senator. A Hillary Clinton corkscrew — now that I could see.
2. Prior commitments
As much as I was looking forward to watching the “Dancing With the Stars” finale with Celine Dion, I’d scheduled a chemical peel/root canal in the fiery pits of hell.
3. Moving on
Food Network announced it’s taking “Emeril Live” off the air for good next month. Never mind that they could’ve replaced him with an electric mixer and a tape-recorded “Bam!” five years ago.
4. Statuesque beauty
Keith Urban appears at “The Golden Compass” premiere with the Department Store Mannequin Formerly Known as Nicole Kidman.
5. Miss crinkle
Toyota is testing technology to make what it bills as a crash-proof car. Attention buyers: The line forms behind Lindsay Lohan.
6. That’ll do
Rumor has it Jessica Simpson is dating football star Tony Romo. Apparently her idea of crossing over into country music is dating Carrie Underwood’s exes.
7. Riddle me this
Also, when did Tony Romo become the poor woman’s Brad Pitt? Don’t these starlets realize they’re dating the T-1000 from “Terminator 2: Judgment Day”?
8. Unfriendly skies
The Spice Girls are asking fans to name the jumbo jet they will fly in while on tour. Early favorites include “Soulless Plane,” “Operation Dumbo Drop” and “AirFarce One.”
9. A giant of a man
The inventor of Gatorade has died. He leaves behind a creation perfect in every way but one: The “Rain” line of flavors doesn’t come in “Chocolate.”
———-
LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
