Scott Kleinberg is a big-time Steelers fan. Keep him in your prayers. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Scott Kleinberg
Bag Dog
STICK FIGURE
TOPIC 1: HOW DO THE PATRIOTS DEAL WITH BEING EVERY TEAM’S GAME OF THE YEAR?
The same way an elephant deals with ornery ants.
Bill Belichick wins them over by playing Secret Santa. Oh, wait, that’s Secret Satan.
Easy. Finally succumb to the NFL’s greatest team (Steelers). Next week, not so exciting.
Assassins.
It’s all an act. A Patriot act.
Really makes you think.
TOPIC 2: BRETT FAVRE’S NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THE HOLLYWOOD SCENE. WHY NOT?
Because he already kicked his drug problem.
His facial hair is 20 percent
longer and grayer than the
maximum McDreamy Level.
He’s shy. Where he plays football, the only thing folks talk about is how old the cheddar is.
He lost out to Zac Efron as
captain of the “High School Musical” football team.
How much wood, would a Holly wood, if Holly could … wait …
TOPIC 3: TIM TEBOW WON THE HEISMAN. WHAT’S NEXT?
He’ll get married and start his new life as Mr. Tracy Swartz.
He follows Heisman tradition. He gets his own bust, then he becomes one.
In 2009, a 5th grader wins it.
Leaves New York and heads back to Gainesville. Even when you win, you lose.
I challenge him to a man’s game: Candyland.
TOPIC 4: HOW DO YOU GET KNOCKED OUT BY A “PRETTY BOY”?
You criticize my choice of blush.
Tell him he reminds you
of Jimmy.
You go up to said person and say “Hey there, Pretty Boy.” That oughta do it.
No one on this panel is qualified to answer.
Isn’t he SUPPOSED to be a knockout?! Gosh, sometimes I wonder what you’re thinking!
TOPIC 5: WHICH BULLS PLAYER NEEDS TO TAKE A SEAT FOR A WHILE?
Nobody. Clearly, this is all
Rex Grossman’s fault.
Joakim Noah … in a high chair.
Sit, stand, lie down … there’s no hope this year in any position.
Stick Figure needs to take a seat in Five on Five. Can someone draw him a brain?
Someone named Mr. Bull
Feathers. … What’d I say? … No, not the soap in the mouth!
