1. Fun with math
Let’s see, if Kosuke Fukudome makes $48 million for four years, and Alfonso Soriano makes $136 million for eight years, then this train leaving Chicago should be a wreck by August.
2. International incident
Fukudome’s a Cub. The U.S. has had such a good relationship with Japan, but that’s all over now!
3. Nah, never happen
First the Cubs snap up Fukudome, then the Giants grab Aaron Rowand. If this keeps up, White Sox fans might develop an inferiority complex.
4. So sue me, sooie
Bobby Petrino deserted the Falcons for Arkansas. Add Michael Vick, and Atlanta can’t seem to keep their leaders out of undesirable places!
5. Note to self
One ex-Falcon called Petrino “a coward with a yellow stripe down his back” for leaving only a brief “goodbye” note on players’ lockers. He could have at least laminated it like T.O. did.
6. Speaking of T.O.
Terrell Owens is mad at Keyshawn Johnson. If those two get yapping, someone could lose an ear.
7. What a chicken
Letting BALCO’s Victore Conte meet with anti-doping officials is like letting the fox tattle on the hen house.
8. Silence is golden
Michael Jordan won a court ruling over an ex-lover who claims he owes her hush money. Probably a good thing since the “hush” part is out the window at this point.
9. Woof blitzer
Tyrus Thomas got ejected on Wednesday. Isn’t he supposed to be in the doghouse? Isn’t he supposed to be on a short leash? Don’t you think I’d run out of canine cliches?
FIVE TIPS
… things Fukudome should avoid in Chicago:
— Lake Shore Drive at 9 a.m.
– The Red Line at 9 p.m.
– Ozzie Guillen
– The mob, er, candy factories
– Bleachers of any kind
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REDEYESPORTS@TRIBUNE.COM
