Our old friend Stick Figure has dropped in for a visit to cheer you up on a dreary Monday. Yay Monday! Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
STICK FIGURE
TOPIC 1: JO NOAH’S TEAMMATES ALL VOTED TO BENCH HIM. WHAT iS HE THINKING RIGHT NOW?
“Thanks, guys. What grade are you in?”
“Now I know how Ohio State feels.”
“Is it the hair? It’s the hair, isn’t it?”
“If I had stayed in school, I’d be on a better team right now — with a better coach.”
Sure it’s gray and cloudy. But clouds are soft. You can’t have it all, folks.
TOPIC 2: WHAT ABOUT THIS WEEKEND’S PLAYOFF GAMES STOOD OUT TO YOU?
Peyton Manning couldn’t even get a first down on the last drive. What the hell is that?
Norv Turner has taken the
Chargers farther than he took Washington. Leo, grab his arms. Whoever Brett Favre’s body double is, man, that guy can throw.
The Packers look like the team to beat. Who would have thought that? Oh yeah, Whizzer did.
A couple of teams played in domes, so gloominess was not an issue. Bad, gloom, bad!
TOPIC 3: WHAT GUARANTEES WOULD YOU MAKE TO HELP CHICAGO’S OLYMPIC BID?
I promise to gouge all citizens of the world equally.
In the international spirit, I promise to French kiss and go Dutch on all my dates.
I give you my word to spit on alternating sides of the street from now on.
I guarantee that Jimmy, Leo and I will let Phil out of his cage only every other Thursday.
Every cloud has a silver lining. We can use that silver for bribes!
TOPIC 4: SHAQ HAVING HIP PROBLEMS IS LIKE …
… hip-hop having Shaq problems.
… your 83-year-old grandmother jamming a two-handed dunk…. Larry King having problems getting his rap career off the ground.
… Shaq having free throw-shooting problems.
… the color blue. I miss blue.
TOPIC 5: WHAT KIND OF GIFT WILL YOU GET BOB KNIGHT WHEN HE GETS HIS 900TH WIN?
A DVD of every movie with the word “crazy” in the title.
A gift certificate for his favorite 900-number, 1-900-MANIAC.
A 10-second delay on his voice and a team of censors.
Nine-hundred chokes, kicks and head-butts. If he can dish it out, he can take it, right?
Light is overrated. I can’t ever catch it when Jimmy shines it on the wall with his flashlight.
