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TOPIC 1: WHAT DO YOU IMAGINE IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW AT SOXFEST?
Jimmy Greenfield: I imagine half the fans are pessimistic and half are kidding themselves. They’re both right.
Tracy Swartz: The women forced to go are getting BoSox injections so they won’t have to feign excitement.
Leo Ebersole: A couple dozen people are violating the terms of their parole. But seriously, folks …
Scott Kleinberg: “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” is blaring over the loudspeakers.
Brian Moore: A whole lot of Sox fans are thinking 2008 is going to be a great year.
TOPIC 2: WHAT’S ONE QUESTION YOU’D LIKE TO ASK OZZIE GUILLEN ABOUT THIS SEASON?
Jimmy Greenfield: When you play the Detroit Tigers, will you cower and flee like little girls?
Tracy Swartz: Were you named in the hair-roid report?
Leo Ebersole: Any of your hitters worth a 10th-round fantasy pick? And don’t say Swisher — he burned me last year.
Scott Kleinberg: Will you be concentrating on winning or … ?
Brian Moore: How long before you throw your own players under the bus this year?
TOPIC 3: A WEEKEND WITHOUT NFL FOOTBALL IS WORSE THAN …
Jimmy Greenfield: … an hour without baseball.
Tracy Swartz: … a weekend minus “Men Without Hats”. No one likes to miss a safety’s dance.
Leo Ebersole: … a weekend spent watching “Smokin’ Aces.” Why didn’t anyone warn me?
Scott Kleinberg: … a weekend where the high temperature is 10 below.
Brian Moore: … a weekend without NFL football and with Leo. Makes for long days.
TOPIC 4: THE SUNS ARE IN TOWN TO PLAY THE BULLS. HAVE ANY TIPS FOR THEM?
Jimmy Greenfield: Like all Bulls opponents, you should stay at the W hotel.
Tracy Swartz: If you see the Phoenix rising, send in Harry Swatter.
Leo Ebersole: Steve Nash is Canadian. Cut his pregame bacon into strips.
Scott Kleinberg: Send the starters sightseeing and send in the B-team. … Easy win.
Brian Moore: Be careful when you are whipping the Bulls. You could sprain a wrist.
TOPIC 5: MICHAEL WUERTZ RE-SIGNED WITH THE CUBS. HOW EXCITED ARE YOU?
Jimmy Greenfield: You should see my nipples.
Tracy Swartz: I resigned myself to the Cubs too. We both could use some new positions?
Leo Ebersole: Very. Wait, did you say “re-sign” or “resign”?
Scott Kleinberg: I have no idea who this is, but for some reason I feel elated and giddy.
Brian Moore: I can’t wait his for patented move: a game-tying or game-winning home run.
