Our panelists are in a Super Bowl frenzy. Well, Supriya is just excited to see Tom Petty, but try to look past that. Sign up for the fun at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: IF YOU WERE THROWING A SUPER BOWL PARTY, WHICH ATHLETE WOULD YOU NOT INVITE?
JIMMY: Ty Cobb. I’ve heard he was a jerk. Plus, he’s dead and might not show.
PHIL: Ron Artest. Now a boxing party, sure.
LEO: Jason Kidd, because he’d demand a trade by the first commercial break.
TRACY: Rex Grossman. He can’t throw a thing.
SUPRIYA: Brett Favre. There’s no crying in football.
TOPIC 2: WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THE BEARS ARE PLAYING IN THE SUPER BOWL NEXT YEAR?
JIMMY: Four percent.
PHIL: About the same as Rex Grossman’s touchdown-to-interception ratio.
LEO: Their odds are just a shade worse than the Boston Celtics’.
TRACY: Ask the magic 8 ball. But don’t count on it since Rex is No. 8.
SUPRIYA: That depends. Let’s talk about Rex first.
TOPIC 3: TOM BRADY IS TO THE PATRIOTS AS …
JIMMY: … Tracy Swartz is to puns.
PHIL: … O.J. is to Court TV.
LEO: … mayonnaise is to tuna salad. Wait, did I just make a weird Bill Parcells reference?
TRACY: … Pete Doherty is to Babyshambles. Both have connected with grass and models.
SUPRIYA: … bourbon and hookers are to Jimmy.
TOPIC 4: ONE WEEK UNTIL NASCAR SEASON STARTS. WHAT LEVEL IS YOUR EXCITE-O-METER AT?
JIMMY: Crash and burn.
PHIL: “What level is your excite-o-meter at?” That’s the kind of grammar I’d expect for a NASCAR question.
LEO: It’s in reverse.
TRACY: A 3. It Dales in comparison to previous seasons.
SUPRIYA: The needle is below the E on the fuel gauge.
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S IN STORE FOR 6-11 NORTHWESTERN WHEN THEY VISIT 17-2 INDIANA on SUNDAY?
JIMMY: Their chances of winning are 4 percent.
PHIL: This is the worst-case scenario in Leo’s Wildcats Disaster Handbook: Code name “Purple Rain.”
LEO: A hard-fought loss, which I will attribute to the Hoosiers’ ridiculous warmup pants.
TRACY: IU fans ask: “Hoosier Daddy?” NU fans respond: “He takes me to the Viagra Triangle.”
SUPRIYA: Poor Northwestern. Against the Illini, it was funny. This will just be sad.
