January has ended. Chances are, so has your resolve to keep your New Year’s resolutions.
“I’ve given speeches in mid-January where 90 percent of the audience has already given up on their resolutions and 50 percent of them can’t even remember their resolutions,” says Noah Blumenthal, an executive life coach who says most of us aren’t any better at changing in January than we are the other 11 months of the year.
But Blumenthal believes making and sustaining change — while requiring effort — is possible any time. He details his theories in a new book: “You’re Addicted to You: Why It’s So Hard to Change — and What You Can Do About It.”
“Remember that your routines and ingrained behaviors have been reinforced hundreds or even thousands of times,” Blumenthal says. “To break the hold they have on you, you need to make the powers pushing you toward your new behaviors even stronger than the ones pulling you back toward your old ones.”
For starters, Blumenthal asks us to stop putting so much emphasis on willpower.
“Most people think if they have willpower they’ll be able to change,” he says. “They think it’s something magical, that they either have it or don’t. A lot of people give up because they say they simply don’t have enough willpower.”
A good example is the person who gorges through the holidays, then decides to get back in shape. He exercises for a few days, but then something happens that throws him back into the old routine and he gives up.
But backsliding, Blumenthal says, is a normal part of the changing process.
“The question isn’t whether or not you relapse,” Blumenthal says, “but what you do afterwards.”
Instead of blaming our lack of willpower, he says, we need to determine what will make us stronger the next time around.
Blumenthal, who runs an executive coaching company in New York, has created this three-step formula for building our own strength:
Raise your awareness
Provide yourself with visual reminders of the changes you are trying to make.
For example, you might place a sign on your refrigerator that reminds you of what you’re trying to achieve and how it will benefit your life. (“If I cut back on the sugar, I’ll live longer and I’ll look better at the wedding.”)
Your support team
Build support through friends and family. If you can’t help grabbing a handful of M&M’s when you stop at your colleague’s desk, Blumenthal suggests you enlist your co-worker’s help in resisting them.
He says support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Weight Watchers incorporate the accountability that helps people change.
Take action
Come up with a strategic plan. Perhaps you’ll put your napkin on your plate when you’ve had enough at the restaurant; perhaps you’ll pack your gym bag the night before and put it in front of your door; perhaps you’ll buy individual pieces of candy rather than a whole bag. Adopt a mantra that you can repeat that will encourage your new behavior.
Blumenthal says you can begin improving your life by making two lists of the things you’d most like to change: one for easier changes, such as hanging up your clothes at the end of the day, and one for more difficult challenges, such as exercise or diet.
Behaviors on your lists may range from “having the last word” or “working too much” to “spending too little family time” or “learning to say no.” It’s best to tackle one change at a time or, at the most, one change from each of your lists.
Blumenthal, 35, has been helping people make life changes lives for the past 10 years.
“I am struck by how much people want to change and how much they struggle to do so,” he says. “I think people have the potential to be happier and live the kinds of lives they want to live. If we aren’t changing, we’re kinda giving up.”
Tips to help guide your lifestyle changes
We gave life coach Noah Blumenthal three hypothetical life changes and asked him to provide some tips for readers. Blumenthal is the author of “You’re Addicted to You: Why It’s So Hard to Change–and What You Can Do About It.”
Sticking to your diet
* Post your goal along with the benefits of sticking to your diet on your refrigerator or another highly visible place in your kitchen. This way, any time you go to get something to eat you will at least remember your goals.
* Get a diet partner and talk once a week about what you are each doing. Don’t focus too much on how you’re doing (especially if things aren’t going well). Concentrate on helping each other come up with new strategies.
* Make your shopping list in advance and share it with your diet partner. Ask your partner to hold you accountable to just buy what is on your list. This will cut down and even eliminate craving purchases.
Being nicer to those around you
* Make a commitment to a specific goal such as praising two people each day. The more specific it is, the more it will direct you and actually affect your actions.
* Keep a praise journal. Write down your two (or more) praises each day and review it once a week. If you can review this with a partner, even better. Each time you are about to see someone, take one minute to think about what you appreciate about them. This will put you in a positive frame of mind and give you ideas about what you can praise.
Worrying less
* Give yourself a worry time limit (e.g., 1 minute or the time it takes to listen to one of your favorite songs). Post this limit anywhere you will see it when you usually worry.
* Get a boldness partner. Find someone you admire for his or her willingness to take risks. Ask him or her to help you and talk to you each week about taking some risks.
* Any time you worry, think about a time in your life when you did something really bold and achieved a successful outcome. Replay that experience and then state a mantra to yourself like, “Be bold!” [DAYTON DAILY NEWS]
