1. Juicy details
After what seems like eons, Roger Clemens finally will testify under oath Wednesday about his alleged use of steroids. I can’t wait for him to go into a rage, ‘roid or otherwise.
2. Head room
With all the big heads and bigger egos, officials might want to consider moving the hearings to Nationals Park.
3. Batter up
I never have been more excited about Spring Training than I am right now. If only it looked even a little bit like spring outside. (Sigh.)
4. Thursday heartache
If some joker says the Cubs will be out of the playoffs by Thursday, just boo. They’ll be in it until at least Sunday.
5. I wanna Sox you up
White Sox, when you start Saturday in sunny Arizona, think about your old friend Whizzer here, will ya? Send me a postcard. Or e-mail. OK, you don’t know me, but I’ll be thinking of you.
6. Fender-bender
NASCAR has put rivals Tony Stewart and Kurt Busch on probation for six races. I give Tony a week, tops, before he punches someone again. Wrestling on wheels, folks.
7. Shaq flack
Shaquille O’Neal says he wants to take his time before playing for the Suns, the team to which he was just traded. Sometimes, I feel like taking time off, too, but do I? Noooo.
8. Touche
Then again, the Bulls have taken all season off.
9. But seriously …
Just pulling your leg, Bulls. You’ve done what you can with what you have. Sorry, if that’s a backhanded compliment.
FIVE THINGS
… from which Shaq also might want to take some time off:
– Running his mouth
– Rapping
– Shooting bricks
– Acting
– Slacking off
———-
REDEYESPORTS@TRIBUNE.COM
