Our panelists will work for Pringles, Kit Kats and other catchy-sounding snacks. Be a guest on Five On Five at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: THE CUBS’ FIRST SPRING TRAINING GAME IS FIVE DAYS AWAY. HOW WILL YOU COUNT IT DOWN?
Brian Moore: Day 1: Nail down all objects that can be thrown at the TV. Days 2-5: Stockpile liquor.
Phillip Thompson: Each day, I’ll count down from 100 … years.
Jimmy Greenfield: With Tracy’s toes. I have no idea what that means, but I think it’ll creep her out.
Leo Ebersole: If my math is right, it would require 15 power hours to prepare myself for Cubs baseball.
Tracy Swartz: With a ticking time bomb. Cuboom!
TOPIC 2: THE SOX PLAY THE ROCKIES ON WEDNESDAY. WHAT EXACTLY IS A ROCKY?
Brian Moore: A person living on a mountain, out of touch with all of humanity. Example: George Bush.
Phillip Thompson: It’s a baseball player granted special permission by Sylvester Stallone to use HGH.
Jimmy Greenfield: The first name of one excellent ice cream flavor.
Leo Ebersole: A substance found on the bottom of a Boston Red Sox cleat.
Tracy Swartz: A dodgy squirrel who’s pals with a dim-witted moose (a.k.a. Sam Lutfi).
TOPIC 3: WHICH NEW CUBS OR SOX PLAYER ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING?
Brian Moore: I’ve got to see Kosuke Fukudome so I can figure out how much the Cubs overpaid for him.
Phillip Thompson: Fukudome. Out there by the bleachers, he’ll learn the most colorful English words.
Jimmy Greenfield: Kosuke Fukodome. He’s supposed to come over for chili this weekend.
Leo Ebersole: Nick Swisher. I still need to be convinced that he’s not a slimmed-down Jack Black.
Tracy Swartz: Sam Zell. But only casually, in the building.
TOPIC 4: INDIANA PLAYS AT NORTHWESTERN on SATURDAY. GOT A MESSAGE FOR KELVIN SAMPSON?
Brian Moore: Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.
Phillip Thompson: “Who’s your daddy?!” When it comes to Indiana coaches, it pays to stick with the classics.
Jimmy Greenfield: You’re about to have even more in common with Bobby Knight.
Leo Ebersole: Hey, got your 25 texts, but sorry, I’m not interested in playing for a dirty program.
Tracy Swartz: Don’t sweat it. On the Kelvin temp scale, NU is absolute zero.
TOPIC 5: ON YOUR OWN SCALE, HOW DELICIOUS WOULD IT BE IF NU STOPPED IU FROM WINNING THE BIG 10?
Brian Moore: Between NU winning the women’s lacrosse title and the men winning NCAA swimming titles.
Phillip Thompson: On my scale, all the numbers represent levels of “bootylicious,” so I’m not sure it applies.
Jimmy Greenfield: As delicious as watching other people eat lobster.
Leo Ebersole: Juicier than filet mignon. Go Cats!
Tracy Swartz: A Wildcat probably tastes like chicken. They sure play like one.
