THE BEST MOMENTS
1. Amy Adams, working solo — without animated mice — carried the entire performance of “Happy Working Song.” Her stripped-down performance still connected.
2. Javier Bardem thanking his mother in Spanish was lovely.
3. “I have an American agent who is the spitting image of this,” said Tilda Swinton, gazing at her Oscar. “Really, truly the same shape head and, it has to be said, the buttocks. I’m giving this to him.” Then, she took a playful swipe at co-star George Clooney for his “seriousness and dedication to” his art and wearing the bat suit from “Batman & Robin” on the set of “Michael Clayton.”
4. Best song co-winner Marketa Irglova didn’t get a chance to say her thank-yous, so Jon Stewart brought her back.
5. There’s a certain twisted poetry to having soldiers present the best documentary short Oscar to a movie about same-sex couples.
6. Writer Diablo Cody thanks her parents for loving her “just the way I am.”
OSCARS AWARDED
START 7:30:
OTHER OSCARS 3
MASTER CUT
Remove all performances of songs except for the winner. A montage, plus the winning performance will cut 10 minutes alone.
CUT
The animated intro in which the Oscars are delivered in what looks like a UPS commercial.
8:00:
OTHER OSCARS 3
Best supporting actor Javier Bardem, “No Country for Old Men”
CUT
The Oscar salutes to Binoculars, Periscopes and Bad Dreams: Montages that make fun of the montages that make the ceremony too long, make it even longer.
CUT
Owen Wilson and Jerry Seinfeld (in bee form) were flat, and no one really sees shorts. Let’s move the short films (animated or otherwise) to the tech award night.
8:30
OTHER OSCARS 2
Best supporting actress Tilda Swinton “Michael Clayton”
CUT
Do we really need a tutorial video on how Oscar voting works? No.
9:00
OTHER OSCARS 3
Best lead actress Marion Cotillard “La Vie En Rose”
CUT
What sounds good? Moving sound editing and sound mixing awards to tech night. Even the winners said they were “blanking out.”
CUT
OK, it was nice to see all 79 best pictures in Academy history. You know where it’d be nicer to see them? On the Internet.
9:30
OTHER OSCARS 4
CUT
Production design guru Robert Boyle deserved his honorary Oscar, but in half the time.
10:00
OTHER OSCARS 4
CUT
Cut memorial by half.
10:30 Scheduled end time
Best lead actor Daniel Day-Lewis “There Will Be Blood”
Directing Joel and Ethan Coen “No Country for Old Men”
Best motion picture “No Country for Old Men”
CUT
Does it really take 6 minutes to give Daniel Day-Lewis an award?
10:50 Oscars end
AFTER THE CUTS . . .
Original running time 3 hours, 20 minutes
Our edits (including 19 minutes of cut commercials) 2 hours, 16 minutes
