1. What luck
You know, it’s possible I might’ve missed the Oscars completely last night had I not flipped past E! and seen Regis Philbin humping George Clooney’s leg on the red carpet.
2. Shock value
But really it’s never hard to get excited for the Oscars broadcast. The trick — if you need it for next year — is connecting your nipples to a car battery and turning the key at the two-hour mark.
3. Do-over
Hindsight is 20/20, but starting the show with the best costume design award and an “80 years of Oscar montage” is like opening … with a … Regis Philbin joke. Damn.
4. Top form
Well Steve-O looks like he’s been taking care of himself lately.
5. Idiot alert
I always thought Aaron Carter belonged among the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans of the world when I heard his music. Then he goes and gets busted while driving and confirms it.
6. The high life
The big news over the weekend, of course, was the birth of Jennifer Lopez’s twins — and the immediate wrapping of the children in Swarovski crystal diapers.
7. Danger zone
It’s not easy being J.Lo’s children. Every rash on the tuckus threatens the family business.
8. The pinnacle
Scott Baio tells People magazine that fatherhood has been the highlight of his life. Really, Scott? Not guest-starring on “Full House”?
9. Darth Nader
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ralph Nader to the 2008 presidential race. Mr. Nader comes with an impressive resume, having screwed up an election eight years ago.
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lebersole@TRIBUNE.COM
