Chicagosports.com’s Adam Caldarelli is ready to debate any of you on the issues. And by “debate” he means sock you square in the jaw. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Tracy Swartz
Adam Caldarelli
TOPIC 1: WHAT ARE YOU SELLING THE NAMING RIGHTS TO?
Sam Zell’s swear words.
My used Wrigley Spearmint gum. Correction: reused.
Phil’s Popsicle-stick replica of Celine Dion’s home. Any
bidders? Anyone?
Leo Ebersole’s facial hair. He gets hungry when I mention mutton chops.
This feature now brought to you by Moooooooooooooo & Oink!
TOPIC 2: PRETEND YOU’RE ROGER CLEMENS’ LAWYER.
I’d advise him to sign a lifetime contract … in Paraguay.
“Rocket, think of a plea as an inning — you won’t make it past the fifth.”
That would require me flushing my soul down the toilet, which I’m willing to do for a small fee …
Stop pumping me for
information.
“How come no one showed me any implants?”
TOPIC 3: WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT BIG UPSET IN COLLEGE BASKETBALL?
Bruce Weber will keep his job.
Kelvin Sampson 480 rollover minutes, T-Mobile 325.
Little Sisters of the Poor 56, Michigan 48. (Thank you, Wildcats! I never doubted you!)
Bob Knight wasn’t upset enough for you? Where there’s choke, there’s ire.
Bruce Weber actually will recruit someone who can play.
TOPIC 4: GIVE US SOME INSIGHT INTO THE WHITE SOX’S FIRST SPRING TRAINING GAME.
The team with the most players napping by the 4th inning wins.
I bet Donny Lucy regrets ever agreeing to play for Ozzie
Guillen: “Luuuuuucy!”
First middle reliever to walk a batter gets a free ticket to Albuquerque.
Sorry, I OD’d on men in tight pants watching “The View.”
More pitchers than a night at the bar with Scott Spiezio.
TOPIC 5: A TENNIS CLUB BANNED A 9-YEAR-OLD GIRL FOR GRUNTING. HOW WOULD YOU HELP HER?
For starters I’d explain she doesn’t have to carry the extra tennis balls in her mouth.
They’re treating her like she’s a farm animal. Children should be seen and not herded.
There’s no need to humiliate her like that. Give her a muzzle or something.
Nine is too young to be a GI, but youth can’t resist following Demi Moore.
Try prunes.
