Welcome back, chicagosports.com’s Rahula Strohl, we’re more than happy to take your money — er, we mean office bracket. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Rahula Strohl
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Stick Figure
Tracy Swartz
TOPIC 1: GIVE SOME ADVICE FOR FILLING OUT AN NCAA BRACKET.
Take it from a math major: Flip a freakin’ coin.
Run your office pool and fill out your sheet in pencil.
Whatever you do, don’t make a foolish pick just to be different.
Don’t forget to feed the dogs.
Only dopes would admit to betting on seeds.
TOPIC 2: WHO’S in YOUR FINAL FOUR AND who’s your CHAMPION?
Me, Tracy, Jimmy and Leo, but somehow, Phil wins.
North Carolina, Kansas, Memphis and UCLA. Champ: Kansas over Memphis.
UCLA, Texas, North Carolina and Georgetown. Winner: Texas … just to be different.
Ice cream, chocolate, cotton candy and gum! They all are winners!
Final Four: UNC, UCLA, Georgetown, Stanford. Champion: UF (too cool for pool).
TOPIC 3: TIGER WOODS HAS GONE UNBEATEN. WHAT CAN HE TEACH CHICAGO’S TEAMS?
“All you need is a world of talent and a fierce work ethic. In other words, you’re screwed.”
Use your irons intelligently and DON’T use Kerry Wood as your closer.
He could really help Bears RB Cedric Benson with finding holes.
How to live in the jungle — and avoid splinters.
He could teach the Cubs how to get Wood to go for longer distances.
TOPIC 4: CHRIS DUHON DIDN’T JOIN THE BULLS IN NEW ORLEANS BECAUSE OF A VIRUS. EXPLAIN, DOCTOR.
Do other cities get this worked up about a career backup?
Excuses are an NBA player’s best friend. Along with penicillin.
Another nasty case of athlete’s foot-in-his-mouth.
New Orleans is a state. What’s so hard to understand about that?
Sounds like a case of the chicken pox. Bock bock bock bock.
TOPIC 5: A CORN FLAKE SHAPED LIKE ILLINOIS IS UP FOR AUCTION. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH IT?
Put it next to my Barbaro Cheeto.
Dunk it in milk shaped like Lake Michigan and eat it.
It’s a CORN flake, shouldn’t it be shaped like Iowa?
Feed it to my pet dinosaur.
Break out some Oran Juice. You without me like corn flake without the milk.
