The NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament began Thursday, kicking off a country-wide flurry of office pools, home furnishing sales, pizza specials and countless other extravaganzas ready to cash in on the March Madness. Come on in to Big Bob’s House of Pool Cues for our annual March Madness sale! These deals are a slam dunk! We must be MAAAAD!
The phrase “March Madness” (generally attributed to legendary sportscaster Brent Musburger) is a condensed play on the term “mad as a March hare,” which refers to the behavior of rabbits during the spring mating season.
Apparently the excitement of the NCAA Tournament is so contagious we all should act like a bunch of horny bunnies.
So maybe “March Madness” doesn’t make perfect sense in regard to a basketball tournament, but it’s short and sweet, rolls off the tongue easily and utilizes alliteration well.
It’s fun.
Some of the other phrases we’ll hear a lot of over the next three weeks, not so much.
For instance, why do sportscasters insist on referring to substitutions in a game as “getting a blow”? To quote one of my favorite movies, “The Princess Bride,” “I do not think that means what you think it means.”
“Bracketologist” is another one I don’t like. A bracketologist is a person who studies which teams are going to get into the tourney and which ones are not. A stat geek, in layman’s terms.
To me, bracketologist sounds too clinical, as in “Cialis is not for everyone. Make sure to ask your bracketologist.”
Anyway, if you don’t know a 3-pointer from a car wreck, I have compiled a list of some of the vague phrases you’ll be hearing for the duration of the tournament, with accompanying definitions to make the madness a little less mad. Here we go …
On the bubble: Teams that didn’t have an automatic bid into the tournament. As in, “Tim Jankovich and the Illinois State Redbirds had been on the bubble all last month.” Not to be confused with “On the bubbly,” as in, “Paula Abdul seems to have been on the bubbly all this month.”
Cinderella team: Any small school that made it into the tourney and wins its first few games. I, for one, am happy that the tournament wags have embraced this rather feminine phrase instead of the more masculine but unenlightened “underdog.”
Mid-major: A school from a smaller-than-huge conference. These schools are kind of like the movies that come out this time of year: not a summer blockbuster, not an obvious Oscar contender, but still capable of being just as good as either, often better.
Buzzer beater: A shot made at the last second, before the buzzer goes off. Sounds a little too much like it belongs in the aforementioned Cialis ad.
Easy layup: A shot so close and easy it practically makes itself. Sometimes used to describe a punch line (see: “buzzer beater”).
The Big Dance: A cute and somewhat cloying pet name for the tournament; easy to mistake for “The Big Pants,” which are the comically oversized culottes the players wear on the court these days.
“One Shining Moment”: The song played over the montage of memorable moments after the tournament is over. Also the moment all the hucksters exploiting the March Madness theme pack up their megaphones and stop trying to sell me two elephants for a nickel.
And finally, Diaper Dandy: A phrase given to outstanding freshmen players; not to be confused with the mess in a toddler’s pants.
